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July 24, 2004
my face is burnt. this is like the second sun burn i have ever experienced. luckily it isnt that bad. could be worse. i have that ridiculous orientation in eugene tomorrow at 7 in the goddamn morning. i am not really looking forward to waking up that freaking early. especially since i have to work tonight. whatever. i have spent so much money in the last couple of days. i just got paid so that really went to my head. id say ive spent about 200 dollars in the last day and a half. on stupid stuff that i easily could have done without. like the biography on jim morrison that set me back 35 bucks. and aqua teen, sealab, and space ghost. it was all worth it to me at the time. anyway, time to work on my screenplay.

July 18, 2004
i cant believe its the 18th of july already. what happened to june? i havent really done anything yet this summer. i went to ireland, but that doesnt really count. all i can remember really is bowling. lots of bowling. and swimming. i happened to see the end of vh1s i love the 90s the other day. it seems crazy to me that there is an i love the 90s now. werent the 90s just like 5 years ago? i still remember nearly everything that they are talking about. plus, nothing overly significant happened in the 90s. oj simpson and a bunch of random and fairly insignificant pop culture items. other than that, nothing really. it made me feel really old. and kind of depressed. oh well. i got over it.

June 12, 2004
after a bad experience with a lot of alcohol this last week, ive decided never to drink again. this wasnt my bad experience, i was just fine, its just so that i dont end up looking like one certain individual...stupid chrissy...

June 4, 2004
well, im done...graduation was tonight and high school has become a thing of the past. time to go out and grab life by the horns.

May 13, 2004
i havent written on this godforsaken thing in a long time. i dont know why im doing it right now, i suppose its out of sheer boredom. i dont think anyone even knows about this stupid thing anymore anyway. ridiculas. i just got off work and its late, but i cant go to bed right now. i suppose i could, im just too lazy to get my ass up and walk upstairs. i could be stupid and go in depth and talk about every single fucking detail that has happened in my life since the last time i wrote on this, but in order to save time and forearm strength, i will simply say that a lot of fucked up shit has gone down. the last few months of my life have been utterly insane. beginning with a little occurance that everybody knows about now. haha. im still greatly angered. one thing i do want to go into detail and explain my thinking is how much i did not like the passion of christ. i really did not like that movie. the more and more i thought about it, the more and more i really did not like a single thing about that movie. i suppose it was a good thing to do, making a movie about jesus and all, but the movie was just so...i dont know...cliche or something. it almost made me sick watching it, which is the reaction im sure that you are supposed to get, but it was really distracting. and the thing that makes me the most furious about this new god hype that is going around right now is how accurate this movie is. how the hell can you say that this movie is 100% accurate? all these people telling me, "oh, its what the bible says...this is the word of god coming to us through cinema." bullshit. this is hollywoods rendition of what they think happened. you cant even base an argument about how its what the bible says either, because keep in mind that the bible contradicts itself an uncountable amount of times. so shut up with the word of god shit. were you there when jesus was crucified? no, so shut up and stop saying how true this movie is. its a movie for fucks sake. anyway...that was a rant that came from nowhere that no one is going to read. haha, funny how that works. speaking of funny, the weekend goes by much smoother if you get high everyday. trust me...its awesome. okay...im done being an idiot and talking to myself, since as ive stated, no one will ever read this! ha!

December 24, 2003
i guess i should try to update this stupid thing more often that every other week. silly rabbit, trix are for kids. i have nothing really to write about. i guess im doing well. ive worked a lot lately. jeez, i feel sorry for anyone who reads this crap...so damn boring. haha, if youre reading this, youre probably a loser. i hope no one takes that the wrong way. ive been spending most of my time working on the 12 Monkeys 2004 webpage. things are starting to come together with that. looking sharp. anyway, tomorrow is freakin christmas, but it feels to me like its still freakin november or some shit. im not in that "christmasy" mood. not like i am any year. i hate christmas. other than the getting free shit part. i was down at the cueball for the first time in a while the other night. not to randomly change the subject at all. oh, and a muchas gracias is going in right next door to blockbuster. sweeeeeet...

December 15, 2003
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

December 14, 2003
wow, i forgot about this thing. again. i guess a lot has happened since the last time i wrote on this stupid piece of shit. sat's are done with. snoball was fun. i havent decided what college im going to yet...probably u of o, but i dont know. i over drew my bank account by 150 dollars. sweet. too many damn movies. swimming...need i say more. my speedo tan is still there. that rocks. haha. i dont know. i bought mighy beans last time i worked. they are so damn cool. little marvel super hero people, they rock. so...pretty much thats my life since the last time i posted on this thing. kevin will be glad to see i changed it. right? since youre just about the only one who knows about this site. rock on.

November 23, 2003
now that ive been accepted to all the colleges i applied to, theres no reason to give a shit about high school. sweet.

November 18, 2003
fuck it. i dont have time for this right now.

November 17, 2003
the extended two towers is beautiful.

November 6, 2003
i havent decided if i liked the Matrix or not. there were a lot of really good, cool things about it, but there were also a lot of really not so good things. i went in to blockbuster tonight specifically to discuss this matter with my fellow movie geeks, and we all came to basically the same consensus of the movie. over all, i was disapointed in the end. my manager said, and i quite agreed, that this was the one trilogy that we didnt know the end to and they really let the audience down with a weak ending. like we all know what happens in Star Wars, and what will happen in Return of the King, but there was the opportunity to blow the audience out of the water with something really great to end the Matrix, but that element just didnt exist. on a completely different note, impact II is tomorrow. yay...we get to skip swimming. that just might have made my week. or not. i dont know. im still too confused over wheather i liked the Matrix or not.

November 4, 2003
swim season has begun. alack the day. no more exhaustion from water polo...we now move into dry and itchy skin from the cesspool. november smells like chlorine. tomorrow is the Matrix. the first shred of good news ive heard since the yankees lost the series. if only i can get through tomorrow. swim team anger rising...

November 3, 2003
and so it begins...

October 30, 2003
holy shit, its 5:15...i should be at water polo practice. oh, wait...

October 27, 2003
i havent done homework in weeks. i feel like i should be doing something, but there is nothing to do. i come home everyday at noon, and just sit. life is good.

October 21, 2003
water polo is almost over. only 7 more days. im going to miss it, i think. swim team starts up here soon. that should be interesting. i need to sign up for SAT's soon. i keep forgeting to do that. someone remind me. theres a lot of stuff to do this year. ive spent so much damn money. senior year is costly. my god. this was a pointless entry. i like sandwiches. not really though.

September 25, 2003
school is kind of just something this year that is standing in my way of the weekend. school seems to be so damn easy. i havent had any homework all year thus far and im not complaining in the slightest. im just going through school like it were nothing. today we had two quizes in english, both of which i forgot about. vocab is always easy though. the other was on this section of macbeth that i didnt know we were supposed to read, so i guessed on just about every answer. i only missed two. im a good guesser. it tells you something about my schedule when my hardest class is psychology. ive been coming home everyday and watching movies until water polo. speaking of which, it is time for.

September 19, 2003
"Stress: a condition created when the brain overides the bodily propensity to beat the living shit out of someone who needs it." this pretty much sums up water polo, swim team, and anything else that involves being miserable in the water. way to go, kevin.

September 15, 2003
i worked too much this weekend. im tired. all night and morning on saturday and all night on sunday. at least im getting paid. and i get free rentals. thats bad ass. theres a water polo game in 45 minutes. i dont really feel like playing tonight because im so tired. we gotta fix the mighty saxon hammer by friday since it was broken by a pepsi bottle. saxon man-ing is good times. just for your information, mama's got a squeeze box and daddy never sleeps at night. well i need to go listen to some rhapsody and dream theater to get psyched for the game tonight.

September 8, 2003
we kicked west's ass tonight. rock on. at least now we wont get the label of worst water polo team in the league, not like i thought we would have in the first place. we played pretty well tonight. i was happy. nearly everybody scored a goal, which kicks ass. we talked about funny words before the game tonight, such as "butthole" and "wiener" and "scrotum" so that might have been a serious factor. school doesnt suck so bad anymore since i dropped spanish. spanish hasnt really benefited me in the past 5 years so i see no point in further not improving my non-existant spanish skills. music theory to me seems like a more beneficial course anyway. so last night at about 10 i decided to do my summer reading project. im pretty sure that is the worst piece of writing i have ever turned in. oh, something that really sucks a fatty, i wrecked my fuckin car. damn it. stupid drivers that cant drive even when it was my fault. fuck 'em. so trevor and i are this years saxon men. i never would have guessed that saxon maning could be so hard. i am just now getting my voice back. also, i have never sweated as much as i did at the game on friday. holy hell. it was really good though. i got work off this coming friday so i can go saxon man at the mcnary game and kick mo's ass! rock on! i watched a bunch of family guy today after school, since i have esentially all afternoon to sit on my ass and be lazy. i get out everyday at quarter til 1, and on some days as early as 12:15. so that is good. nice to come home and make fun of all the other people who are still in school when i am not.

September 3, 2003
school has started. and life again sucks. my schedule sucks and is all messed up. i have to drop spanish this year. not like i have wanted to do that for the past 4 years. but i have holes all over my schedule and i have to get them filled some how, but i dont know how to. because there are stupid fuckin counselors who work at south. our first water polo game is tomorrow. against sprague. i guess all we can do is our best. blockbuster is good. i checked a bunch of movies in today and i thought my head was going to explode because i couldnt find this one title, and im almost possitive they just made it up. whatever. i have to work all the closing shifts next weekend, so that is going to suck. im pretty much not going to have a life outside of school, work, water polo, and swimming whent that time comes. so its time to start bitching and moaning on this thing again.

September 1, 2003
the columbia river swim was good. really easy compared to water polo. the water was gross though. it tasted like trees. i cant believe its fuckin september already. holy hell. ive turned into a real blockbuster geek if you will. they have trained me to always carry my stupid outfit with me just in case i get called up to work a surprise shift. it is really nice to be able to talk to people who know a thing or two about movies though. no more of this talking to the back of my hand about what my favorite movie is. i should really be taking advantage of this free movie rental policy, but ive just been way too damn busy. 8 god foresaken hours of scrimmaging this weekend. holy god i thought i was going to die. it was fun, but really funking hard. i have spent nearly all of my summer in the water or in a swim suit of some sort. i have rarely been dry at all in the past 3 months. i hate the water. damn crazy swimmers who dont know when to call it quits.

August 29, 2003
school starts soon. kill me now. i still have summer reading to do. like thats gonna get done. water polo has become intense...not that it wasnt before. im going to be really busy this year. its a good thing i have two release periods. crazyness.

August 24, 2003
it has been brought to my attention that i havent seriously updated this stupid thing in a very long while. i have been too busy to care about this or the girly quotes page. i finally sat down and put all of the girly quotes that we have so far on the page and i figured id fix this thing up while i was at it. good story. water polo is still going strong. im not feeling like im drowning anymore which is a major plus. we scrimage tomorrow morning at 5:45. i am sort of tired of the early morning and late night practices with only 5 hours in-between practices. we should just camp out at the stupid pool so then we wouldnt have to wake up so damn early, or something. whatever. i am going to be so busy this school year. school is really low on my worry list actually. the sad realization that we will be swimming until feburary sank in finally and i was left in utter disbelief. with water polo practices before and after school and this new job i just got, i am not going to have time to think. apperently, the only shift avalible was 7 to close, so that means i have to wake up at 5 every morning to swim, go to school, go to practice, go to work, sleep for 4 and a half hours, and then go back to practice. i dont know if this will work... scary. stupid busy-ness that messes with my head.

August 22, 2003
my time is up.

August 6, 2003
18...wow.

August 3, 2003
damn, in 3 days i turn 18 fuckin years old. thats so wierd. i hate birthdays. and this year i gotta go register to vote and for the draft and all that other good shit. stupid age laws. our new goal is to get 1000 ben quotes by the time we graduate. if we spend more time in kevins hot tub, that shouldnt be a problem.

July 28, 2003
monday again. summer is going by fastly. yet another practice tonight. however, it is not strictly a swim practice. starting today, we are actually playing water polo, which is good. i am tired of swimming yard after forsaken yard. hung out with trevor again today and went back to the marines recruiter. the military is not for me. not like i didnt know that before today. we filmed the second episode of the "andrew and trevor show" today in independence and monmouth. we would have kept going but we ran out of camera battery. oh well. next time maybe we will get to somewhere more interesting.

July 25, 2003
well trevor is back from germany. weve been hanging out for the last couple of days. its been fun. this morning we went to talk to a marines recruiter about joining up to protect the country and shit. some of it sounded good, but for the most part, i decided im way too liberal to join any branch of the service. plus i just dont want to. later tonight we called up denny and brought out the good ol' shock collar. got it on film again. there is nothing funnier than three stupid guys and a shock collar. these videos are priceless, man. water polo has been so hard the last couple of days. weve swam about 2 miles each day and it feels like my arms and legs are about to fall off. crazy. i just keep swimming and cursing horrible words to myself as im trying to pull myself along and keep from drowning. i hate swimming. actually i dont, but its just easier to say that.

July 22, 2003
i have no idea what day it is. i think its tuesday. yeah, the computer says today is tuesday, so tuesday it must be. whatever. water polo has given me yet another reason to hate mondays. thank goodness for no weekend practices. i got one of those leg cramps yesterday where it cramped up no matter which way i turned it. stupid leg cramps. i had a funny thought the other day. how frickin hilarious would it be to cover yourself in bird seed and then run through a flock of seagulls, listening to flock of seagulls. maybe not. i need something productive to do with my time.

July 19, 2003
this town needs an enema.

July 15, 2003
holy penis, im tired. we did a bunch of 200's today at water polo and my arms and legs are fuckin shot. i can barely move to type this crap here. i used a bunch of tiger balm, so that should help. tomorrow i start house sitting for my 2 neighbors who are going to vegas. im getting paid 120 bucks to bring the mail in and let the dogs out. not too shabby. time to start saving up for an x-box. halo...mmm...

July 14, 2003
water polo has begun. i was so angry at my 400 time. ive added nearly 3 minutes to my time since whenever swim season ended last year. that sucks. plus i was tired as hell after swimming also. pisses me off. water polo should be fun though. but holy hell, am i gonna be tired.

July 14, 2003
its either late on sunday or early on monday. i cant tell which one it is. water polo starts tomorrow. or today. fuck. whichever. i helped myself to some jello shots earlier and i got a bit jumpy, if you catch my drift, so my thoughts arent one hundred percent clear and focused. i went an played pool with denny tonight. its an interesting game when you cant quite see the table clearly. whatever.

July 12, 2003
ive been out recently. both mentally and physically. i have been gone on a camping trip and while out there, totally checked out mentally. my brain activity has almost been in the negative range recently, if that even makes any sense at all. my mind has been all over the board lately. ive been thinking about all sorts of things that have kept me busy and sane i suppose. whatever. sometimes its just too hard to deal with, you know? its a good thing i die next month.

July 6, 2003
i dont have much to say. i took a lot of pills today and im kinda daydreaming a bunch. whatever. i dont care. aimee left today. shes gone for a long time. again, whatever, not much i can do about it.

July 5, 2003
the fourth this year was pretty good. i didnt do anything at all until that wedding reception. her family is pretty cool. they spent about a half hour screaming "smush it" at the floor and then they all danced with a chair, but hey, thats cool. fireworks suck because they all do the same damn thing. i feel like im not doing anything at all this summer and i dont think i like that. i need to do something stupid and cool and get in trouble for it i think.

July 3, 2003
all the craziness. i golfed today. didnt do half bad. not used to playing good golf. i guess im looking forward to tomorrow. got that wedding reception to go to with aimee and her family. whatever. david came by tonight and we went and rented this movie called Equilibrium. pretty cool. good action. we laughed about stupid shit and peer mentoring. hes a good kid. damn the land before time.

July 1, 2003
well, what can i say? ive been so preoccupied with thoughts and statements lately that nothing else has even entered my brain. i have a lot of things to work out with myself. just when things were going so well.

June 29, 2003
last night hung out with clark and monica and aimee. checked out the world beat thing down at the riverfront. it seemed like it would have been cool if it wouldnt have been so damn late. there wasnt much going on there at 11.

June 26, 2003
there are so many bugs at the riverfront. been there 2 days in a row now. today seemed long. i didnt do anything overly productive. i went and visited aimee at her work place. that was kinda fun.

June 25, 2003
europe was great. saw all the cool things in each country. i said 4 countries in 10 days when it was actually 5. i forgot to include england. anyway, the leadership retreat was fun too. but it just doesnt seem right without some of the seniors who graduated last year. it iw also not right to think of us as the senior leaders. zig said she wanted to see all of the senior leaders and she was talking about us. weird. im still not adjusted to the time change. jet lag sucks. went shopping with aimee tonight. that was cool. bath and body works is only a good place with a chick. after that we went down to the riverfront and threw rocks into the crappy water. throwing rocks is like the greatest thing ever, as we established on the retreat. aimee leaves in 12 days. that sucks.

June 13, 2003
tomorrow is europe. i went out with aimee one last time tonight before im gone for 15 days. it is hard to be comfortable and next to someone in a movie theater seat at the same time. oh well, you have to make sacrifices. 4 countries in 10 days. bring it on.

June 10, 2003
things i learned today: 1)Finals suck 2)I am terrible at Spanish 3)Cheating in math can get you very far 4)Enchanted Forest if freaky 5)Aimee has a big horse. only one more god foresaken day.

June 8, 2003
this weekend has been interesting. friday was graduation. i went to see some of my senior homies off. aimee went with me and we met up with kevin and ben, who just happened to be there. i dropped some stuff under the bleachers and that was really fun trying to retrieve them. afterwards, aimee, kevin, and i went to the cueball. big surprise. yesterday sucked until about 3:30. SATs were horrible. sitting in a hot little room taking a miserable test for 3 hours was so much damn fun. then going home right afterwards to study for finals made it all much better. bens party was fun though. not really for the party aspect, but just the hanging out part. after the "party" was over, i went to the drive in with aimee. such a good time. just kickin it and forgeting everything that is troubling me. being close with someone is always a great relaxant, especially if that person is aimee. unfortunetly, finals commence tomorrow morning. at least there are only 3 days left. i couldnt take much more.

June 5, 2003
it is a beatiful day today, much like someone i know. it is so hot. no seniors today. it is kinda sad to know that i will probably never see some of these people i have become friends with ever again. oh well. such is life. my grades arent sucking so bad anymore, which is good. hopefully finals wont screw me over.

June 3, 2003
im happy. i have alot on my mind, but still im happy. i shouldnt be, because i have so much stuff to deal with, but im feelin good about it. im a thespian. haha. im wishing i could spend all my time doing nothing and hanging out with aimee, and hopefully summer gets here soon. that would be very nice.

June 1, 2003
spanish video is essentially done. do you know how hard it is to sing puff the magic dragon in frickin spanish? that is one of those songs that should never be translated. this seemed like such a long weekend. very eventful though. i think i will always remember this weekend as one that went perfectly in my opinion. for several reasons. however, i do wish she would have told me that i was breaking her neck.

May 31, 2003
the last two nights have been great. both spent over at someones place, doing nothing but hanging out and relaxing and stuff. it has been quite enjoyable. i am finally happy enough to not care about anything else that sucks right now.

May 30, 2003
finally, the long, unfortunate 6 year streak is over.

May 29, 2003
the school year grows short, as does my interest for this page. i am getting tired of this stupid crap. anyway, finals are about a week away. sucks. school is stupid. i am mentally checked out as of two years ago. i have a lot of stuff to take care of before the school year is up. i have a whole shit load of projects and tests to study hardcore for, but fuck that, im going to the cueball.

May 18, 2003
if it makes any difference, i now know how to cha cha. that dance thing was a lot of fun. im glad i went. afterwards, aimee and i drove around aimlessly. listening to the copacabana, swinging for 35 seconds, going up croisan mountan and driving over orgasm hill. it was fun. im not looking forward to starting another week. finals are in 3 weeks or something like that. fuck...me. damnation. and SATs are in 2 weeks or something. again, fuck...me. damnation.

May 14, 2003
this has been a good week so far. i have nothing to complain about other than the stuff i usually bitch about. school sucks and im screwed in it. but the outside elements are good. i have been enjoying time spent with friends. one in particular. im looking forward to this weekend. a little cha-cha action goin on. yeah man. rock and roll.

May 11, 2003
i had a good weekend. bridge the gap was great. im glad i stayed sober. it was alot of fun, but now im all sore and crap. yesterday i had that leader meeting thing. it seemed some what pointless to me, they told us a bunch of stuff they could have told us on the retreat or even at the beginning of next year. oh well. whatever. after that, i went up to silver creek falls with kris and hallee. that was good times. last night i went to x-men 2 with aimee. good movie. really good. after the movie we sat in the car in her drive way for about 40 minutes just talking. it was fun. a lot of fun. we are going dancing next friday i believe. that will be good too. finals are in 4 weeks or something like that. holy shit fuck. thats bad. not looking forward to any of that shit. oh well, i am looking forward to the summer.

May 8, 2003
im blowing off a lot of people on saturday night for someone else. it makes me feel not so good, but when i think about it, it makes me feel great. i dont know. i feel like a mixed up confused teenage chick. stupid women, fucking with my head like that. august 22 is only a few months away. theres alot of stuff i still need to do before i die. its actually getting kind of funny. kevin is planning a meeting/party for the 22nd so i can die amongst the rest of the 12 monkeys. how thoughtful. im actually hoping i do die on that day, because otherwise, it was a bunch of building up something that wasnt worth the build up, or whatever. also, it would be absolutely hillarious. when i die, denny, im leaving you my pool cue.

May 6, 2003
prom was fun. however, it seemed like it could have been a lot cooler. something wasnt right. oh well, it was still pretty kick ass. school is just an obstacle now. i got my report card in the mail today. i burnt it as soon as i opened it. it was terrible. my gpa has never been so low. quite depressing i must say. this week is just dragging into the next week, which will drag into the week after that, and it will continue to follow this god forsaken pattern until june 11. i got good news today. it made some things sort of come in to perspective. i dont know just how good that news will be for another week or so, but i think its good. the cueball guy likes me and denny. he should, considering by the end of the summer, i imagine we will have put in enough money to buy our own pool table. i think he gave us a discount last night. good. that means more money for the next time i end up down there.

May 3, 2003
prom is tonight. it should be fun. ive been busy trying to keep up with the rest of the guys (i.e kevin) on what the hell is going on exactly. i almost had an aneurism yesterday when i tried to figure out what i was doing after i picked up the tux. as it turns out, all i had to do was go to the cueball and then follow aimee over to her house. simple stuff. shit, i was thinking about this, if i cant even figure out whats going on for prom (when i helped plan it) i have no idea how im gonna get through college, or life for that matter. funny when you think about it. what isnt funny is the 1500 word world lit paper due monday i havent even begun to think about. maybe ill start that sunday night.

April 23, 2003
jeez, i forgot i had this thing. i guess too much has been happening to worry about this. ive decided that i hate my math teacher. what an ass. im failing that class now. something like 59.3% he says he wont raise it because he doesnt think i study enough. asshole. i really dont care about school anymore. im more interested in planning prom and going to the cueball. ive become very partial to going there every weekend. last weekend, denny and i went there again, after we went up to sweet tomatoes in tualitin, or where ever the hell it is. we were supposed to meet kevin and trevor and the germans at the cueball, but we were still in where ever the hell we were. anyway, we got from tualitin to the cueball in 27 minutes. they call it the fast lane for a reason. we had interesting conversations about music and times weve been drunk and shit. this weekend is the last leadership retreat for this year. should be interesting... it seems like there was something i wanted to say here, but i dont remember what it was. oh well. such is life.

April 16, 2003
dude, prom is gonna be so sweet this year. and to think i wasnt gonna go. our group alone is the coolest. myself, kevin, and trevor if he does what hes supposed to do and asks her. and there are the girls too. but anyway, its gonna rock. i dont know exactly what we are doing yet, but i know theres something to do with pink floyd somewhere in there. whatever. it will be cool. ive never had a dance group compiled of people i esentially put together. granted, all the other dances were good, but i think this one will be especially intense. by the way, happy birthday trevor.

April 12, 2003
is it secret? is it safe?

April 11, 2003
sure enough, i went to cueball again tonight. denny and myself seem to rub off on eachothers suckiness. anyway, today was one of those days that go and go and go and then stop. today stopped so abruptly. it seems like i was running full steam for a long time today and just recently i ran into a wall. what a wierd day.

April 10, 2003
im looking forward to the weekend. should be fun. 10 bucks says i end up at the cueball more than once.

April 7, 2003
jesus christ, i was reading over this thing, and all i do if fuckin bitch and moan. holy shee-ite. life isnt nearly as bad as i made it out to be earlier. man, bitch and moan, bitch and moan.

April 6, 2003
i was at the cueball everyday this weekend. i need a life. or at least my own pool table.

April 5, 2003
phone booth was better than i expected. i played the worst pool of my life lastnight. it was awful. one of the only times i won was when denny put in four of mine. terrible.

April 3, 2003
the greatest things are best left unseen.

April 2, 2003
well, i dont know much about anything else, but i know this...im tired of having ups and downs. yesterday i wasnt feeling well, today i was doing great then fell back down. i cant wait to see what tomorrow is like. im full of stress. im stressed about everything. im not feeling calm about anything right now. fuck it. i havent decided if i want to go to prom or not this year. im running out of time though. i can only think of one person id like to go with. shes probably already going with someone. knowing me, i will end up not going. thats the way im kinda leaning anyway. i dont care enough to care at the moment.

April 1, 2003
man i feel depressed. what the hells wrong with me now?

March 31, 2003
this is true. this is for real.

March 29, 2003
alright im back. so ladies, you can stop worrying, because my services are once again available.

March 23, 2003
tomorrow i am gone. sin city calls. i will answer.

March 22, 2003
so after hanging out with ben and kevin, i went home for a few hours, before trevor came over. once he was here, we called up kevin and ben again and hung out down at the cueball, amongst the scary people of the world. so then after that, the most of us, minus ben, went over to kevins house and watched the ring, which was already the freakiest movie i had ever seen, so i get all freaked out again and whatever. it was really good times though. we raided kevins room, pointing out all of the really cool old stuff he had and then we played with legos until 4 in the morning. it was so good. and trevor ended up just staying here that night and the next day we did nothing but watch the extended edition lord of the rings. such a good way to kick off spring break.

March 20, 2003
so today i went to see daredevil with kevin and ben. it wasnt as bad as some people made it out to be. it was fun just going and seeing kevin attacking ben with the jumper cables. according to ben, we loiter too much, so i better go.

March 19, 2003
i may just be in "love". maybe im crazy. i havent yet decided. either way, it seems to be okay. i meant to make something of it today, but go figure, i didnt. i told myself i would after the break. okay...i have a week and a half to get my thoughts together. perhaps by then i will be ready or perhaps it will have passed, but i hope it doesnt. ironically, the same person will be in las vegas at the same time i am. maybe ill make something of that. hmm... hopefully, when this is all taken care of, i will have broken an unfortunate 5 year streak.

March 17, 2003
well shit me, im sick again. i havent been able to keep this thing up. too busy and ive almost lost interest. speaking of interest, i know a few ladies who happen to have mine.

March 9, 2003
i havent had anything to say lately. today i am going to continue that trend.

March 2, 2003
the seven of us are so chill. what we did this weekend is so bad ass, words cant even explain.

February 25, 2003
ive been flaking out on this thing. been too busy to keep up with it. the play only has one more weekend. it went pretty good last week. i will miss the cast for the most part when this is over. i enjoy just about all of the guys in the cast and most of the girls, with the exception of a select few who should die. anyway, right now im faced with yet another moral/emotional delimna. its kinda like being between a rock and a hard place, but also not. i dont know. i guess if i wait a few weeks one thing or another will happen. i hope.

February 21, 2003
tonight is the first night of the play. yes...tonight we will be one step closer to finishing this damn thing. i will not be sad to be done with this crappy play that makes as much sense as my story telling.

February 18, 2003
today is this pages birthday. its been a year since i started this stupid thing. how time flies when youre having fun. or not.

February 17, 2003
only 2 more weeks of blowing gabriel. praise god. cant take much more of that. i noticed tomorrow is this pages birthday. ole. trevor and i went to The Front meeting tonight. very informational. should be a good movie.

February 16, 2003
man, i hate dry tech so much. 2 and a half hours of standing on stage under bright lights. i couldnt sit or lean on anything because i was in costume. i stood up there for almost an eternity and other people with more extravagant costumes came up and took attention away from me. i hate the week before a play. actually, i hate every week of any play, except for the week after the plays done.

February 11, 2003
i hate so many things. i hate so many people. why are there such stupid people around me all the time? there are so many people that just hang around and piss the hell out of me. everything lately has been getting on my nerves and rubbing me the wrong way. especially with stupid morons who are excited to go to war. thats about the last thing we need, is to go to war and some people are too damn stupid to look into the future and see war would be a bad thing for our country. i cant stand people who are right wing religious nut cases. i said 'god damn' in one of my classes today, and apparently offended over half the class. well excuse me. im hating school again. from first period all the way until i get home. i hate many aspects of the damn play. there are so many stupid people in the cast i wish would just shut the hell up and go away. and if i hear dee scream one more fuckin time, im gonna kill somebody. so pretty much, fuck everything.

February 10, 2003
Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio

February 8, 2003
yesterday a bunch of us made up info on our stupid after high school surveys and the sub got pissed. it was funny. my name was johan z. wheeler. ben was sven carlson, and denny was cristobal mcdeath. it was great.

February 6, 2003
symposium is fun. except when a certain lady who drives a red truck doesnt stick to the schedule. we wrote out the schedule for a reason, did we not? oh well. i got a name tag with an intense red ribbon on it. it says speaker, cause thats what i was. three claps for having to talk about 40 different assets in 2 minutes.

February 5, 2003
it felt wierd not swimming on a wednesday. oh well. tomorrows symposium and im supposed to help lead a station. i hope were ready, otherwise its gonna be one hell of a funny station.

February 4, 2003
swimming is done. welcome to the "off season". good luck to those going to districts. funny, i have nothing else to say.

February 3, 2003
well, today marks the last official day of swim practice. its kinda sad actually. it seems like last week i was getting up at 4:30 and bitching and moaning about how much i didnt want to swim so damn early, but now, i think im gonna miss it. tomorrow is our last duel meet. the season continues for a bit for those going to districts, one of which i am not. most definitely for the better. so now i get to put all of my focus towards the play. oh goody. tap-a, tap-a, tap-a...

January 31, 2003
so last night i went to the wrestling meet for chemistry extra credit. we didnt watch the wrestling part, we just sat in the bleechers inhaling balloons, breaking rails, telling racist jokes, adding to the quote lists, and so on and so forth. afterwards, we went to talk to knoll and he did that thing again where he lifted me up and held me on his shoulder. thats so scary. wrestling is so boring to watch. good thing the guys were there to keep me from shooting myself dead.

January 29, 2003
my fuckin car got broken into during swimming. if i find the motherfucker who fucked with my automobile, im gonna kill em.

January 27, 2003
i didnt do so well on my finals. and thats not at all an understatement. can you say...14 out of 50 on a spanish exam? not too shabby if i do say so myself. as ive said many many many times in the past, school sucks a fatty and no one should say differently. jessica has a cack. useless information that everyone should know. im ready for swim season to be over with. i think it brought my grades down. im getting a B in english this semester. english, the class ive only got A's in since 6th grade. i believe this is going to be the first B ive ever recieved in and english class. shit, english is my strong class. piss on stupid english teachers like flat-ass mcgee.

January 26, 2003
laura touched my ozzy tonight.

January 25, 2003
last week sucked. finals are the worst thing ever. even worse, i had to go to play rehersal and swimming after school, so my study time was at a minumum. the only thing worse than finals are tap dancing for 4 and a half hours and then going to a grueling swim practice. but finals are done with for now. yesterday i had to go to an all day rehersal that ended early so ben tyler and myself went golfing. it had been awhile since i had gone so i sucked the place up. but it was fun anyway. i also went to a concert with marianna last night and it was fun. id never heard the band before, but they were good. we got lost. pretty badly. i hate portland now.

January 18, 2003
the countdown to finals is almost at zero. armageddon as we know it is almost upon us. boo to those of you who await finals with a bright perspective. if i were to rate my feelings on a scale from 1-10 regarding my comfort during finals week, 1 being the lowest number of comfortability, 10 being complete anaylitical certitude, id rate myself a negative 192840074928573912392850938895549784 times 10 to the seventh. haha, that was a bit extreme. much like my feelings toward finals. there, ya see the unending violent circle of misery?

January 16, 2003
i feel targeted all the time. i wish that feeling would just go away.

January 15, 2003
i think its funny...with those stupid fucking people who just annoy you in your history class, its really a love/hate relationship right? i mean on the top theres love, cause you love some of the things they say to keep you entertained. "now youve moved the four of us into 8 different corners..." thats were the love comes in. but on the bottom, theres hate, because you fuckin hate them and want them to choke on their hair or something cause theyre so damn stupid. but on the top theres love, but on the bottom hate, so it goes love, hate, love, hate, love, hate, love, hate....love, hate, love, hate, love, hate and so on. now, if you who is reading this were very wiley and clever, you would know i based my ranting here on woody allens line in the movie "the imposters", but since only a handfull of people have seen this movie, chances are, you are not one of those wiley, clever persons. but...if you are, i applaud you.

January 14, 2003
the week before finals week is always a kick to the groin, but this year, it has been exceedingly difficult. between school, drama, and swimming, i no longer know which is top priority. my days are meshing into one giant orb of bullshit, in which each piece is losing importance greatly. swimming, ehh. drama, who cares? and school? no fuckin comment. swimming seems to be a pointless pursuit of trying not to drown. i swim only to keep myself alive. if it were up to me, i wouldnt do any of those god awful drills and id tell the coaches where they can stick it. drama is another pointless pursuit of nothing. i almost wish i wouldnt have auditioned. i cant fit it into my schedule to go to any of the important rehersals. i did manage to go today, however, but i didnt get much from it other than tiredness. tap dancing is not something i proud to say i do after school. each new step we learn, i feel like more of a fruitcake. i go, prance about, get lost in an endless sea of steps, and then get yelled at by the grouchy tap lady. i dont have my lines memorized yet, nor do i know the songs. shit, i dont even have a song book. by thursday, i will be behind at least one dance and i already know im behind in the speaking part of the stupid play. as for school, i hate it. mr woods and mr knoll can both shut the fuck up and piss off. screw them both and everything else school related. mr woods said he wouldnt be in class this week cause he was busy with senior orals...yeah, i bet hes busy, the dirty bastard. i hate school, swimming, and dancing like a fairy. the motherfucking end.

January 12, 2003
the lord of the rings: the fellowship of the ring extended edition dvd is sheer bliss.

January 11, 2003
impact III was last night. last one of the year. i actually got some sleep. that was good. however, i fell asleep during boondock saints, one of the best movies ever. it was pretty fun though. good quality time with homies. too bad the rest of the swimmers werent there though.

January 8, 2003
fuck woman warrior. fuck it long...and fuck it hard

January 7, 2003
vicodin is so chill

January 6, 2003
i was ready to get back to the regular routine. ive spent the last 2 weeks either with too many family members or in complete isolation. between the missouri trip and the wisdom teeth episode, ive been pretty wrapped up with things that i cant get away from. i regret not spending more time over the break with friends. i am glad i went with kevin and evan to the two towers the first friday of break, cause that was all i ended up doing. i also regret not informing some of my peers of my where abouts during the break, cause apperently, they were lead to believe i was sold to the mongolian slave market, or some shit like that. sorry guys. but anyway, im glad to be back to school and back to my almost normal self. however, it looks like i got in a fight with a highlighter. today im tired. i think not going to swim practice for two weeks had a negative effect on me. and boy i chose a great day to come back...two different 500s. actually, one was supposed to be a 600, but i only finished 500 of it. i came home, started reading the fellowship of the ring and passed out. i should have been reading woman warrior, but who can blame me for not reading that shit?

January 5, 2003
"how about a round of frosty chocolate milkshakes?"

January 3, 2003
getting your wisdom teeth taken out is the worst thing in the world. i couldnt speak for like, 24 hours. and now one side of my face is swollen, so it looks like i got punched in the face. stupid widsom teeth...

January 1, 2003
ive been gone. but im back now. i was in missouri. it snowed. yippee. its 2003 now. its gonna take awhile for me to get used to writting that. tomorrow im getting my wisdom teeth taken out. that sucks. stupid worthless wisdom teeth. im also getting two dental implants put in at the same time. i dont think ill be able to speak for awhile. at least i dont have to go to swimming for a few days.

December 21, 2002
the two towers was amazing

December 19, 2002
ive decided that my body isnt cut out to handle 100 breasts. plain and simple. no more for me.

December 18, 2002
i think i had a heart attack yesterday. i almost had one again today. im not a doctor or a plumber or anything, but when you get chest pains, shortness of breath, numbness on the left side, coughing, and difficulty talking, im thinkin those symptoms relate pretty closely to those of a heart attack. maybe i need to pull a joey harrington and get rushed to the hospital. stupid fucking asian heart...

December 16, 2002
praise the lord...my computer crashed about a week and a half ago, and we had to just buy a new one cause the other was so fucked up. anyway, this is a newer faster computer and i welcome the change with open arms. jesus, so much has happened lately. ive been so busy, ive hardly been able to breathe. festival of lights, swimming, drama, peer mentoring, english speech, etc. jeez...i dont have the time or the energy to go into detail everything that has happened lately, but remind me sometime.

December 8, 2002
snoball was good. it was a lot of fun. except the dance, like always was WAY too crowded. so the dance wasnt all that fun. i think the part i remember the best about this weekend was either buying a lot of playaz or snack attacking at safeway and looking through the swim suit edition of sports illustrated. we got caught by kelsey and ran away. it was funny. anyway, i had a really good time, so thanks to mallory, sarah, kelsey, and shayna for making it good and spending all that money.

December 5, 2002
i hate olinger, i like corvallis.

December 3, 2002
well, i sorta got the things i need to take care of this week arranged in my head. today i had to go to kinkos and make copies and order a corsage, tomorrow i am meeting with denny to work on our demian presentation, thursday theres a relay meet, and friday/saturday snoball stuff. wowzers, busy week. and not to mention next week with musical auditions, service learning projects, after school swim practices, etc. and i still have to worry about school work in between all of this crap. but on the gooder side, in swimming today i got moved up a lane, at least for today. hopefully it will be a permanent thing. thank god, no messing with spiral girl, flamingo, finnagin, speedbump, and flip turn. jeez, i hope its for the rest of the season.

December 2, 2002
i have so much stuff to worry about, and the crazy thing is, im not entirely sure what those things are. i know i have a whole lot of stuff to do this weekend and next week, as well as a load of things i need to do for school this week, but since im so damn disorganized, none of it will get done im anticipating. who cares, really? also, just so theres no confusion, if youre a peer mentor, the website address for the online journals is http://www.hogwashed.org/peermentors/journal/ alot of people were asking me about that, so maybe now its all good. i chose my monologue for the musical audition today. its from pulp fiction (go figure) and its the scene at the end of the movie where samuel l jackson is talking to tim roth about ezekial 25:17. anyway, this is the section im doing..."There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. 'The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.' I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd."... i edited out all of the explitives for school sake. but it should be cool. and im not 100% sure this is the monologue im gonna do, but for now it sounds good to me. kevins in the process of making a ben girly quote list. when its all finished and done with it will be quite hysterical. "evan, keep your shadow away from my penis." haha, also, today i talked to bob about the wheezical.

December 1, 2002
hmm...well, it seems another month has come and passed and now its time to move on to another month and whatever. another four day weekend is at an end. always seem to go by faster than regular weekends. it makes me angry. anyway, good news would be only one more week of early morning swim practice. i might actually be able to sleep in until 6 am now. i have been waking up every morning lately at 5 to go, even on the weekend. crazy. i need sleep and a long, drawn out weekend that lasts for 28 years.

November 27, 2002
no school or swimming tomorrow. both things to celebrate. i think ill start the party with a nap. looking forward to getting the cd we recorded back from that guy. we listened to it before he started editing it and it sounded good, so it should sound even better after hes done with it. hope its worth our money. i came home today after going to oph with kevin, trevor, ben and aj and watched black hawk down. it had been awhile since i last saw it, and i wasnt too impressed. if my memory serves me, i liked it in the theaters, but maybe watching it on a small screen detracts from the overall coolness of a war movie. it just seemed like a bunch of pointless shooting in the dark...which is what war is actually like im sure...but the cinematography wasnt all that great. but...i watched boondock saints last night and that is a good movie. irish people are wierd. especially ones that kill russian mobsters. "FUCK....ASS!"

November 25, 2002
im tired. i fell asleep during pulp fiction today, so that goes to show just how tired i am. and i real stressed about the end of this six weeks. i am under the impression that nearly all of my grades dropped at least one letter this grading period. sucks much for me. and i dont want to get into olinger tomorrow. i think its eaten away my finger prints. i no longer have any traction on my fingers and i cant turn book pages. i feel like one of the men in black or whatever.

November 23, 2002
i forgot to put this here...today trevor helped me write out my top 30 favorite movie list, so i thought id post it... 1) Braveheart 2) O Brother, Where Art Thou? 3) Pulp Fiction 4) The Royal Tenenbaums 5) Fight Club 6) Snatch 7) Sling Blade 8) Rain Man 9) Forrest Gump 10) Shawshank Redemption 11) American Beauty 12) The Green Mile 13) Gladiator 14) Face/Off 15) Saving Private Ryan 16) Schindler’s List 17) Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels 18) The Usual Suspects 19) The Godfather 20) Glory 21) LA Confidential 22) Wag the Dog 23) My Big Fat Greek Wedding 24) Goodwill Hunting 25) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 26) As Good As it Gets 27) The Matrix 28) Best in Show 29) Rocky Horror Picture Show 30) 6th Sense

November 23, 2002
5th period peer mentor movie night last night. it was fun. good times. people got here a bit late because of an accident on commercial, but once the party was here, it was good. the fried rice was a bit disapointing, for some reason it didnt taste right. ehh. oh well. we watched a couple good movies. we watched there's something about mary, which is always good, and seven, which is possibly one of the creepiest movies ive ever seen. good though. anyway, it was fun. tomorrow, me and the band guys are going in to record a cd. should be fun. it isnt costing us all that much which is real good, considering we have no money, what so ever. the civil war game was today. oregon state won, thank god. trevor came over this morning, and the party just wasnt switched on enough for the two of us, so i gave denny a call and he came down and chilled with us. it was fun. hadnt hung out with denny before outside of school. so after we watched the civil war game, we watched the apple cup, and it was pretty intense. triple overtime. intense indeed. the huskies beat the cougars, i didnt really care, but im sure denny was pleased.

November 20, 2002
i should have eaten something this morning. i went into the blood drive on an empty stomach and i made it through the blood donation part, but when i was waiting to get the needle taken out, my stomach started hurting and i got really dizzy. everything got all white and swirly, and i passed out. the next thing i know, im laying flat on my back with these strange people i didnt recognize asking me what my name was. i didnt know where i was and i thought i was dead. it was weird. trippy yo.

November 19, 2002
i really should have started my chemistry project earlier. here it is, quarter til 10, and im just now starting to do my lab write up, conclusion, etc. and i still have a math test to study for, spanish homework, a book to read, and not to mention, getting up at 4:30 tomorrow morning to go swim in an indoor sewer. oh, and im giving blood tomorrow. you know how much i love getting poked in the arm with a sharp object and having my fluids removed in a tube. yes, so i really need to work on my procrastinating skills and not bitch so much, but, we finally finished emma. most god awful book on the planet. its full of stupid bitches having stupid conversations about how they want to get married, but dont want to because they dont want to meet guys, or some stupid shit like that. im just happy i never have to read about mr woodhouse (emma's father) ever again. im convinced he is the worst book character ive ever read about. hes just some stupid snobby english bastard who is constantly worrying about catching a cold. and all of his stupid lines about how a mile is too far to walk, but not far enough to take the carriage, and how he doenst want to trouble the HORSE KEEPER too much with his horses. i hate him. just like i hate stupid chemistry projects and needles.

November 18, 2002
lesson of the day: the human head weighs fiFTEen pounds, ahem...excuse me, i mean fiFTEen pounds, and snow angels in salem work best if youre wearing roller skate mittens. also, x plus 2x equals the streamline of the equation, therefore, swimming is...good.

November 17, 2002
i have a B in spanish...DAMN! gotta fix that somehow...im stressed out with school again. this is how it breaks down...stressed out, not stressed out, stressed out, not stressed out...and so on and so forth until the end of time when i shoot myself in the face. i should just go off and talk to myself so i can get all poetic and shit.

November 16, 2002
yes...im tired. so tired lately. i fell asleep yesterday during band practice while we were taking a break. never done that before. something that depressed me this last week was walking down the halls at school and seeing all these people holding hands and being all love-y and shit, and there i was, walking by myself, holding nothing but a god damn chemistry book. hmm...i dont know where that came from. i am in desperate need of some sleep. havent had quality sleep in over 2 weeks. maybe tonight...

November 15, 2002
ahhh...friday. i can finally take a breath and watch the leaves fall from the "orange" tree in the back yard. im not exactly at peace with myself, but im pretty dang close. i still have some loose ends to tie up, but whatever. i dont care. no swimming for two days. always good. i hope we can have band practice tonight, for its been several weeks since the last one. impact II tomorrow. not really looking forward to that, but i can manage. and farther ahead in the future are good things. i will probably letter in swimming this year. that would be good, considering if i dont, it would be absolutely pathetic. no homework this weekend, and whos going to snoball with mallory? uhh...me. good times ahead on the road of life, where there are passengers and there are drivers.

November 14, 2002
im glad tomorrow is friday. except for the getting back to early morning swimming. haha...today kevin and i went down to the wrestling practice, cause drew arneson and mr knoll were gonna wrestle. it was funny. mr knoll was holding drew down while he was leading warm-ups. drew didnt loose as bad as i thought he would though. afterwards, i was telling mr knoll how i didnt think he could handle taking on me, but then he grabbed me and flipped me over and like, held me over his head. it was mildly disturbing...

November 13, 2002
no swim practice tomorrow...an extra two hours of sleep...im so happy im doing the pickle dance.

November 12, 2002
homework sucks. tests suck. actually, most aspects of school suck. the only part that i enjoy is the social aspect. and sometimes not even that. im counting the days until our next day off, but at the same time dreading it, cause grading day is coming around and boy howdy, im not ready for a grading day. im not really in a writing mood right now. too much other stuff on my mind. im off to meditate and attempt to be asian for a while.

November 9, 2002
being cold and wet and tired are all not very fun. especially when you are hanging from a harness that seems to be 800 feet in the air, and then get dropped. ropes course in the rain is cold and miserable, but its fun. doesnt seem very safe though, but i lived, and thats what matters. also i recieved an invitation to snoball today. wow, alot of time and thought went into it. that was nice to come home to.

November 7, 2002
im sucking at school right now. ive failed every test ive taken this week. and i have until tomorrow to make up a spanish test which ive failed twice. if i dont pass it tomorrow, im gonna get a zero on the assignment. so it would be important to study tonight, so maybe i should do that. lets see... so far this week, ive failed two spanish tests, a math test, most likely a chemistry test, and just judging by the way things are going test-wise, another spanish test tomorrow. id sure hate to see my grades at this point in time.

November 5, 2002
im in the process of repairing and replacing the "denny game". its a long and tedious job, but is has to be done. i watched the rocky horror picture show today for about the 90th time. fell in love all over again. so tired. good night ladies.

November 4, 2002
why the hell am i doing swim team? honestly. nothing good can come from getting up at 4:30 in the morning and getting into the muck bucket they call olinger pool. i thought i was a good swimmer until this morning. i felt like a fish out of water, but in the water. i kept sinking. im not a history major or a political scientist, but i dont think youre supposed to sink when you swim. if someone was to ask me why i was doing swim team, i wouldnt know how to answer. "uhh, cause kevin anderson told me to...?" whats really sad, was today was the "easy" day. damn, cant wait to see what a "hard" day is like. boy howdy. and whats even worse, I SMELL LIKE OLINGER!!!

November 3, 2002
homecoming was last night. it was good times. i had quite a bit of fun. too bad we couldnt finish fight club though...at least in one sitting.

November 2, 2002
last night was the south/west game. painted ourselves again. wasnt too cold. pretty cold though. we kinda gave up at the half because the crowd couldnt have been more not into the game. so we hung out in the peer mentor room for awhile. so i went home and rented pulp fiction and ghostbusters II. tonight is the homecoming dance. im not sure what exactly our plans are. i keep changing my mind. oh well. it should be one of those things that works itself out.

October 31, 2002
one cold halloween night, jack jackson and john johnson where preparing to depart on one of their ritual halloween escapades in the stillness of the night. jack and john were primed and ready to go cause mischief in their neighborhood and cause a ruckus disrupting all the locals from their normal halloween activities. after they went out into the cold, dark air, a chill ran down their spines and the ghost of christmas present appeared before them. The ghost attempted to discourage their behaviors and steer them in the right direction, but jack and john, being the stupid, ignorant pricks that they were, gave the ghost the finger and kicked him in the testicles. the ghost fell to the ground in the fetal position, crying and moaning with his hands covering his crotch. jack and john continued tp run about causing trouble and being morons, when a man named denny appeared and told them that they were stupid pieces of shit, cause they had stupid common names like in the book Emma. feeling disgusted with themselves and their names, they cried and went home and drowned themselves in the toilet. THE END

October 30, 2002
my head still hurts...stupid fire alarm. its cold. gotta love autumn. tomorrow is halloween. the holiday dentists call christmas. anyway... O'DOYLE RULES!!

October 29, 2002
umm...i dont know. these things keep springing up all the time. i dont want to talk about it anymore. no, im not talking to you, im talking to you. no, not you. NO! DAMN IT, NOT YOU! YES...STEP TO THE SIDE...THERE YA GO. now, we can talk. go.

October 28, 2002
i went to the doctor today. i hate going to the doctor. i was especially nervous about going today though. ive been having some problems with pain lately, but i just didnt tell the doctor about that. probably not the best choice, but im satisfied for now. if there is something wrong, ill worry about it at a later date. just not now, cause ive got too much other stuff to worry about. stuff like mr knolls class, in which my grade is suffering. who the hell gives a quiz and THEN teaches the material? maybe i didnt understand because i wasnt there last week, but still, i have no idea whats happening. like always. and also like always, i have a ton of homework i should be doing at this very moment, but im not gonna do it. three claps for procrastination.

October 27, 2002
why the hell cant i just stand up normally, and walk a straight line? why do i trip over nothing all the time and fall over when i get pointed at? it doesnt make sense. i fell when i got out of my car today. landed on my head. it hurt. yeah, anyway. today ends yet another weekend. four day weekends seem to go much faster than regular ones. doesnt that defy some fundimental law of time and place values, or some sciencical shit like that? whatever. daylights savings time screws me up. i cant figure out what time it is right now, cause all the clocks in my house say different things. i hate time. time sucks. especially when its against me, like "normally".

October 26, 2002
lastnight we beat crescent valley. good thing too. if we would have lost to them it would have been pathetic. went over to kevins like usuall before a game. drove out to corvallis with his mom, and just about froze to death sitting out in the stands that were like 90 feet away from the field. but at least we won. so today there was something relating to peer mentoring going on, but i dont know what it was all about. i went to the boys and girls club at 10 this morning, and walked to the capitol with some annoying little kids. then when the shift i volunteered for was over, i went to the shift i was signed up for at the carosel. they said they didnt need anymore people there, and sent me back over to the boys and girls club. so i ended up staying there for another 2 hours. i dont have any idea really why we were there. something about hands are not for hurting. whatever. i dont know.

October 24, 2002
i was awoken this morning at 11 by a phone call from ben. so i had to get up and we went to a movie with kevin and aj. we saw the transporter, which is one of the worst movies ive ever seen. it had serious potential to be a cool movie in the begining, but it went down hill really fast after that. it had some of the worst lines ive ever heard in a movie before. even the action was so ridiculasly misplaced and goofy looking. what a disapointing waste of 5.50. after the horrible movie, we go over to the mall and ate fake asian food. then we drive over to kevins grandmas house and raked leaves for a couple hours. it was actually pretty fun. i got to play with a leaf blower. yeah, so then i have to go and wash my moms coworkers dog. it was a big black crazy thing that was as big as me. it took me about 4 hours to wash and groom and dry and shit. but i got paid 25 bucks, so it was pretty worth it. i hate big dogs. especially ones that are bigger than me.

October 23, 2002
i checked in on my application at roths sunnyslope and they told me once again that they are doing fine and dont need any more help for at least another month. screw them. i put in an application at vista instead. i think i like them better anyway. anyway, i didnt have a very good day. i was feeling sort of depressed. especially towards the end of the day. this is probably going to sound extremely feministic, but i felt like crying several times today. i dont know what my problem is. maybe i need to just go somewhere and beat myself up until i feel better about myself.

October 22, 2002
today was the training with leslie and walker. it was fun. i just walked around with a clipboard, trying to look important while i observed the stations and made the station leaders think i was grading them. i also got to blow a whistle every 30 minutes to signal the end of each station. pissed a few people off, but it was fun. played the pony game quite a bit. haha, tiffany rode ben. that was the funniest thing ive seen in a while. michelle and i had to go out and get some cake for one of the students in zigs PE class. she told us to get something with football stuff on it. so we take pams truck and go down to roths and look for a football cake. all they had were cakes with flowers on them, so we got one of those. football...flowers...almost the same thing. anyway, we got a flower cake for him and had them write something on it. michelle and i passed the same dog on the sidewalk about 5 times. it was cool. yeah, my leg doesnt hurt anymore. i dont know if its because its better, because im on dozens of pain relief pills. maybe a little of both. damn spanish to the firey realms of hell. huge vocab final tomorrow. wow, its not gonna be fun. i dont know any of the vocab on my list, so basically im screwed. also, i didnt pass the passive voice test yesterday. yay, another thing i have to take care of in the zero free time i have. since i didnt go to school today and part of yesterday, i have a million and one things i need to either make up, or just get around to doing. today i missed like 3 tests that will have to be made up. i have absolutely no idea when im gonna make those up. not to mention all the homework assignments i missed either getting or turning in. monday night i knew i wasnt gonna go to school tuesday, so i didnt do any homework, so i have yesterdays and todays assignments to do at some point. theres also some lab due in chemistry tomorrow that i dont have the slightest idea how to do. i feel sorry for lynn, who ended up doing all the hard stuff, cause i wasnt any help whatsoever. sorry bout that lynn. anyway, i should go and at least atempt some of the stupid homework i have, much to my dismay.

October 21, 2002
theres a first time for everything. thats all i have to say about that. anyway, tomorrow is the leslie/walker training. actually, today was too, but i didnt go today. im going tomorrow though. so my leg is pretty gimped up. i fell up the stairs on saturday while stuffing envelopes and essentially broke my hip. yeah, it kinda hurts. i loaded up on ib profin and tylenol and advil and whatever else i could find around here. i can walk normally again, i just cant touch it. ouch. so im missing alot of stuff tomorrow. im missing a quiz in english and a verb test in spanish, and a quiz in chemistry, but i really dont care. so yeah, school sucks and so does falling and breaking your hip.

October 20, 2002
after over a dozen paper cuts, ive decided i never want to send another piece of mail.

October 18, 2002
just got home from the football game. feels good to win one every once and awhile. gotta get up early tomorrow. not for PSAT's though. no, i didnt even know about those until this morning. no, i gotta run my dad somewhere and then go and stuff envelopes for the peer mentor program. anything i can do to help. even when it involves bending over backwards and grabbing my ankles, cause im so tired this week, and i really need to sleep, but cant, cause i should fufill my responsibilities as a peer mentor. anyway, before i went to the game, i stopped by kevins, and hung out there for about 10 minutes before leaving for south. got there pretty early and just hung around. people started arriving and whatever and it got to be quite the shin-dig. after the game, i showed off some of my mad moves, or lack there of, on the dance floor. my knees are bruised and my right leg is numb from doing the splits. oh well, it was fun. im tired, so im off to bed to dream about my life as a peer mentor and somehow end up incorperating jenny into my dream again in some way or another.

October 17, 2002
i had alot of tarea today. i spent almost all day after school doing everything i had to do, and im still not done with all of it. i got burnt out on homework after about 4 hours. i still need to finish the chemistry assignment, but at least erin and i got a jump on that today after school. this has been a pretty slow and stressful week. my head still hurts. alot. and im still coughing all the time. yet i go to school everyday. i always wonder, if i didnt show up at school for a couple of days, how many people would notice? if i noticed that i didnt show up one day, i certainly wouldnt care.

October 16, 2002
today i felt more gooder. i took a lot of advil. i took care of chris vanlue after school today, like normal on wednesdays. i took him to the riverfront and we spent a while looking for gold by the river. haha. after that, i took him to the carousel and i rode on a girly horse. it was pretty degrading. anyway, erin, tyler, and trevor show up, so we hang out on the playground with them for a while. after i take chris back to his daycare place, i went home. i was gonna dive into homework, when erin, tyler, and trevor show up at my place. i love it when people show up at my place unexpectedly. so we go up to the park by my house and party up there. erin and i worked on our commando skills. good times. i also had a lot of history homework, but, ehh. good times are more important.

October 15, 2002
head kills, throat kills, chest kills. face is hot, hard to breathe. feels like the entire city of salem is squeezing my head. yup, being sick is sure fun!

October 14, 2002
im having a case of the mondays. today was a lethargic day and im glad its essentially over. waiting for friday. i didnt really understand what was going on in spanish today. didnt really care is more of a proper description. something about advanced placement or whatever. maybe im totally wrong. by fourth period today, my brain was in space. i fell down the stairs after school today and it didnt feel good in the slightest. tonight i have to get all decked out in my stupid peer mentor uniform and go to the library for something stupid. i dont know why im going. better news, i found out what my report card looks like for this six weeks and im entirely impressed. best ive done in school in a long while.

October 13, 2002
today is the last day of the weekend, and it went way too fast. a four day weekend is supposed to be long. not this one. too fast. tomorrow school starts again. damn. i have a mountain of homework to do tonight that is just going to sit there, cause im not gonna do any of it.

October 12, 2002
i needed to laugh yesterday. and i did. jon and john came over and we had sort of a half-assed band practice. i kept playing too fast and it kinda screwed everything else up. it was still fun. actually, there arent any bad times with those guys. they good people. we spent most of the day trying to think of a cover song that would be cool to do. most unsuccessful. we kinda narrowed it down to three possibilities i think. either puff the magic dragon, which would be amazing, that song by burt bacharach from the second austin powers movie, the one that elvis costello sang, or imagine by john lennon. we listened to about 20 different songs we could do, but ultimately decided against most of them. there was a really big spider in the garage last night, that made me and jon scream. it was pretty funny. we both jumped across the frickin garage. it was really big. on a sadder note, on the way home from dropping them off, i almost got plowed into by what i believe was a drunk driver. this jeep came flying out of a gas station and i had to mad swerve to avoid getting rammed. after i regained control of the car, i got off to the side of the road and looked behind me to see this other car flying down the street and zig zagging all over the place. i was pretty shaken. i think i also let a few explitives fly as well. it would have been a real bad accident i think. but im okay. so yeah, i had a real good time yesterday chillin with my asian homeboys.

October 11, 2002
well yesterday was fun. first i drove out to keizer to pick up trevor and then out to west salem to pick up ben, and then all the way back out to my neck of the woods to go to the south salem arbys. we ate there, and yes, i should have gaged myself with a fork. quite possibly the worst food ive ever tasted. i dont think the overall fundraiser what anywhere near what we hoped to accomplish, but three claps for ben never the less. by the way, if you want any of those flyers, i have about half of the 6000 we printed in the back of my car. anyway, after arbys, drove back out to keizer for the football game. it wasnt really a game, more like a slaughter. we didnt even have a chance. the whole time i was worried about getting a ticket on my car, cause i was parked facing the wrong way and too close to a corner. kevin just kept telling me to think of greek elephants, or some shit like that. anyway, after the beating from mcnary was done with, trevor , ben and myself had to stop at the keizer roths to pick up "10 large ripe bananas" at the order of my mother. plus we all really had to use the bathroom. so then we head for kevins house, where we would be spending the next several hours. so we get there and we're hanging out and relaxing, when ben says he has to go home, cause he has a family reunion the next day. it makes me cringe to think of a whole mess of bens in one place at the same time. so anyway, i have to take ben back to his house and then i go back to kevins. so im hanging there, and then some more people show up, and right as the party is really about to get started, trevor says he has to go, or else his moms gonna get pissed. so i have to take trevor all the way back out to keizer again. damn, i hate keizer. nothing there but a fred meyer and a bad smell. so its around midnight and im on my way back to south salem when i decide to just go back to kevins. might as well, cause i wouldnt be doing anything at home anyways. so i get there, and hang out for a bit more, and then hallee and i get stuck in the same coat and that gives kevin and aj some entertainment for about 15 minutes. it was quite a challenge to get unstuck in that situation. anyway, it got fixed and i drove across the bridge for about the 30th time that night and back into south salem to take hallee home around 1:15 or so and then went home and crashed. i used almost a full tank of gas yesterday. but oh well. fun times on thursday night in salem/keizer.

October 10, 2002
today is such a lazy day. i love lazy days. i woke up at 11 and then did nothing for 4 hours. i ate some leftover food stuff and watched zoolander. now, im sitting here typing this garbage. earlier, i was competing in the world cup soccer tournament, but my team got sent home by russia. we won third, so it wasnt too bad. we worked so hard to get there too. oh well. at least we wailed on ireland. but still, we would have won it, but they beat us in a penalty shoot out. DAMN!

October 9, 2002
i am beyond relieved that there is no school for the resto of the week, but i am not relieved in the slightest about how much homework i have for the weekend. but im getting an A in spanish this 6 weeks, so im happy about that. just the rest of my grades i dont think are oh-so-hot. im looking forward to tomorrow, cause it should be pretty fun. i plan on going over to kevins and busting in on his house again before and after the football game. then to apease ben, i think we have to go to arbys. god, gag me with a fork. arbys is the worst food on the planet. but its for the peer mentors, so ya gotta do what ya gotta do. this was an incredibly short week. probably because it was only 3 days, but usually when theres a short week like this, they last forever, but this one went by mighty quick. thats good. school was starting to wear me out. i had to get up early today to retake a math test, cause i failed the first one miserably. so i get to school, and since i had my first test with me, and all the answers from it, i decide to use an "educational advantage" and type in all the answers onto my calculator. so i spent about 20 minutes doing that and got pretty confident about ACING the test. however, when i get to the class to take the test, the teacher hands me a completely different test. i practically had to use a forklift to pick my jaw up from off the ground. i was pretty p-oed. and today we had to have first lunch...stupid crazy foriegn language teachers...first lunch is horrible. we were surrounded by todos los freshmen and sophomores. it was bad and not much fun. but at least the long weekend is upon us. i could sure use some time to wind down like a shuttlecock.

October 8, 2002
i am in the most joyous of moods lately, and it pains me to know that there are so many people out there who are suffering right now. a lot of tragic events occured in the previous weeks that hurt many people. my deepest and most heartfelt appologies go out to all of you who are in pain right now, for whatever the reason. i honestly wish that i could pass my jovial feelings on to you and end your pain. i hope that you can find your way out from underneath the blanket of sadness and step into the light of happiness. god bless each of you, and please remember to cherish life and all of its precious, blissful moments.

October 7, 2002
i was in a good mood today. talk about rare, good mood on a monday? what the hells wrong with me? im pretty tired though. i joined spanish club today. yeah, good times. maybe ill be president. that would be intense. an asian spanish club president. oh yeah. i love peer mentoring. we have the most awesome class in the world. 5th period rocks!! i had to finish my spanish project today. i actually got it done almost right when i got home. it didnt take me as long as i had anticipated. it feels good to get that out of the way. Hey, if you read this, i would really like to have a civilized conversation with you. my aol screen name is SmokedSpam14, so drop me a line sometime. it makes me all giddy when i get a random message or something. have a great day, cause i sure have. PS- laura i love you.

October 6, 2002
impact 1 was yesterday. or the day before...i really dont remember when it was. it was this weekend though. got about 50 minutes of sleep regardless. umm, i was gonna type something here, but for the life of me, i cant remember what i was gonna say. hmm...alrighty then. anyway, i have a hecka hard spanish test im presuming tomorrow. i guess its a vocab test that i have to define the words in spanish as well, or something along those lines. whatever. i passed another verb test friday, so im all caught up there. thats good. i really needed to pass that that. im tired as a mo. i dont know why though, cause i got more than enough sleep last night. like, 13 hours or something. im feeling kinda spacey today. like one of those days where you go off on tangents and then five minutes later not remember what you were just talking about. yeah, anyway. i went to the mopps concert last night. got kicked out before the united gumball band started, cause they were too full or whatever. kinda sucked, cause i wanted to hear them play also. but the mopps were good, as always. theres a possibility that we might play with the mopps at salem heights when they release their cd. that would be good times. anyway, i lost my train of thought. thats enough writing i think.

October 3, 2002
i guess im not worried about grades anymore. i was a few days ago, but i dont really care now. actually, im not doing half bad in most of my classes. in fact, theres a possibility for me to get an A in spanish, if i pass one more verb test before the 6 weeks are up. that would be super intense. i havent got an A in spanish since first year. and i might be getting a fairly decent grade in my math class also, so that would be good. i made some more AAWU cards today, so if youre a member, and have not yet recieved your card, see me.

October 2, 2002
serious writers block happening in these last couple days. hmm...what should i write? i think ill write about a cat that got turned into a block of cheese. no...i think not.

October 1, 2002
well i dont know what to write today. so make up your own story to put in this space.

September 30, 2002
FUCK

September 29, 2002
if there is one thing i love, its great friends. actually, i guess thats more than one. its really reassuring to know that if i have something to talk about or to laugh at, there are people i can talk to who care. god bless each one of you who have made my life more complete. i would list you all, but im afraid i would leave someone out. so if you are reading this and are a friend of mine, thanks for being there for me and for being willing to share a laugh or two.

September 28, 2002
yesterday was fun. tearin up the linoleum in the social science hall at 3 and playing calculator games... oh yeah. tennis after school was good times. ben, michelle, mallory, trevor, tasha, and arianna are funny fun guys. some more good times were busting in on kevins house and drinking his pop and chilling on his broken spring couch watching the daily show. good times. and riding back to south salem blasting the spin me right round like a record song. fun stuff. and then... coming back here and once again, tearin it up with trevor. the game was the most of a blast ever in the world. painting SAXONS on our selves was definetly the best choice on earth.

September 25, 2002
well, its once again time to start worrying about the 6 weeks grading day. im nervous for my grade in half of my classes. especially chemistry (stupid knoll) and spanish. grading sucks, even more so when its not looking too bright. i checked on my roths application again today. the lady was like, "hey, this is like the second or thrid or fourth time youve been here." so im hoping for a job there. the remodeling is looking pretty good i must say. getting a job is a pretty big priority of mine at this time. it would sure make my union look stronger, you know, the head of the union...having a job, sounds pretty key to me anyway. today felt like thursday. damn, i was really looking forward to going to a football game tomorrow. im drinking water right now. if youre ever thirsty, but dont have the time or money to get something fancy, you cant go wrong with good ol' agua.

AAWU
Support the Asian American Workers Union (AAWU). For more information, go to http://www.expage.com/aawu

September 24, 2002
i was a jerk yesterday. have you ever had one of those days where you just want to be a jackass? that was me yesterday. i had a pretty good day today. mr phillips is greatly comical. i actually enjoy math this year. hes a pretty funny guy. and then theres mr knoll... dont need to say anything else, and whoever the corrector people are in my guestbook need hobbies.

September 23, 2002
so anyways, today was the breakfast with santa audition. i was signed up, but i just really didnt want to go do it, so i didnt go. is that bad? i went to the little theater after school today and scribbled my name off the list furiously. i really didnt want to audition today. plus i want a job, so if i did any santa crap, i wouldnt be able to jobify myself. i stopped by roth's sunnyslope today to check on my application instead of auditioning. good times in cow town.

September 22, 2002
the fifth element is an amazing movie.

September 21, 2002
so.......im sitting there in the movie theater with laura (who im NOT dating by the way, nothing personal laura) when i start thinking about you-know-who, and when i say that, i mean like the three people who actually do know who im talking about. anyways...dang...i totaly lost where i was going with this. nevermind.

September 20, 2002
south salem saxons...da da name, south salem saxons...da da fame...da da da da da da go, da da da da wonderful show! south salem saxons, da da be...da da da da da thee, we got that da da to get up and go da vic-to-ry...i OLE !

September 19, 2002
if you are reading this, you are my new best friend.

September 18, 2002
mr knoll is not a nice guy. such a long assignment. lucky for me, most of the answers were in the back of the book. i need a really big advil. like one the size of st. paul.

September 17, 2002
so there is a special someone i am interested in right now. i dont even care if she is interested in me in return, all i know and care about is when im around her, i am extremely happy. this person makes me feel very good about myself. i actually smile whenever i think of this person. i really didnt think i would enjoy this school year in the slightest, but knowing that i will see this person every day brings me great joy. some people have said this person is "untouchable" for numerous reasons, and some of them are valid reasons, but for the most part, i dont care what anyone else thinks, cause im happy when im around her, and no one, no matter what they say or do can take that from me.

September 16, 2002
one of lifes little important lessons...coffee after 9:00 pm equals a long night of no sleep. i guess thats kinda obvious, but i also thought they should make road maps to scale, so what are you gonna do. i drank some coffee last night pretty late, and as i was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, my mind wandered all over the place. no joke. when its late and quiet and your all by yourself in the dark, strange strange strange thoughts dance through your mind like an imp or something mystical like that. yeah, at one point, i was wondering what it would be like to be a squirell and then get hit by some big truck and then see how long i could stay alive. i also thought about how weird would it be to lock yourself in a pitch black room and spin around in circles like 10 times, and then try to figure out what direction was north. my mind walked around for several hours before i finally drifted off at like 4:30 am. it might have been the coffee, or it coulda been the 6 straight hours of playing video games with trevor. one or the other.

September 15, 2002
i became aware of the most distressing and depressing bit of information this weekend. there are some 167 odd days of school left before we are free for another three months. 167. thats so much. so much homework and tests and quizes and bizarre assignments and stupid teachers like mr knoll to deal with. i think im gonna move to arkansas.

September 14, 2002
im so glad its saturday. i slept until 11 today. ive missed that.

September 13, 2002
this was the longest week in the history of the world.

September 12, 2002
well in preparation for the musical this year, i have decided to take those free tap dance lessons at south. yeah, i know. im the only guy there, at least i was today and on tuesday, but its pretty fun. its been pretty good times, its been cool hanging out with people i havent talked to since the play last spring. drama stuff is ever so fun. yesternight i went to the soccer game with laura and monica and had a pretty darn good time there too. monica has a creepy clown face. i hate school. it sucks much ass. i hate spanish, and i hate chemistry, and i hate math, and i hate history, and i hate english. in english, we study more stuff from other countries than america or england, like german literature and french literature, and asian literature, so why the hell is the class called "english"? i dont understand. another thing i dont understand is that ridiculas spanish class. i have absoultely no idea what is happening in that class, because i dont really speak spanish all that well. unless you are good at spanish, dont take spanish. i hate chemistry because i have mr knoll. enough said. i hate math because its a stupid course that will only matter if you become a math teacher or something, so i hate it. peer mentoring is the only good class during my day. how sad. i hate school.

September 11, 2002
in remembrance.

September 10, 2002
okay, thats entirely enough royal tenenbaum stuff. so...school has started. and there's a certain person(s) i have my eye on. ole.

September 9, 2002
You wanna play some word games, or do some experiments on me or anything?

September 8, 2002
Oh, that's right. We got another body buried here.

September 7, 2002
Did you just call me "Coltrane"?

September 6, 2002
He has a cancer.

September 5, 2002
This is my adopted daughter, Margot Tenenbaum.

September 4, 2002
Is that a Tic-Tac?

September 3, 2002
Pagoda, wheres my havelina?

September 2, 2002
ive decided for the next week or so starting yesterday, im going to put different quotes from the movie The Royal Tenenbaums in here, so if you havent seen the movie, youre not gonna know what the hells going on in here. sorry. "I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a terribly attractive woman."

September 1, 2002
ill talk some jive like you never heard.

August 29, 2002
fuck my stupid life.

August 27, 2002
i feel a tad better today. not 100%, but much better than yesterday. i talked with some very cool people last night and spoke my mind a bit. im still feeling kinda depressed about god knows what, but at least i feel like living again. in theory, i should come out of this pretty soon...i hope.

August 26, 2002
why cant things just go back to normal? normal, meaning the way things were before they got all fucked up. everything sucks right now. life sucks.

August 25, 2002
im holding on to sanity with my finger tips. i was at the end of my rope last thursday. now im barely hanging on. the retreat that i just went on nearly threw me over the edge in a fuckin barrel. i am entirely sick of puting on a happy face and acting like i am 100%. its really frustrating to me that while i was at this retreat i had to make everything seem perfect and that i was okay, because if i didnt, i got the feeling that i would have been looked at funny because i was having a "bad day", which seem to be strictly forbidden. it kept feeling like i had to raise myself up to be on the same level as everyone else, and i wore myself out trying to do so. now im really tired, so if you excuse me, ive gotta do my god damn summer reading project.

August 22, 2002
there's a retreat tomorrow, isnt there?

August 20, 2002
i woke up early today. i had weird dreams about spending money and getting lost on the way to office depot. crazy. i need a job.

August 19, 2002
im so frustrated right now. dont ask me why, cause im not entirely sure. i just am really really stressed or something, so just back the fuck off.

August 18, 2002
where the hell have you been?

August 14, 2002
once upon a time, there was an asian named andrew. he lived a happy life until he died tragically in an unfortunate freak blender/microphone accident. he will forever be remembered as that one asian who was always pretty damn asian. the end

August 12, 2002
i kept falling asleep today. all day long, i was awake for a short while and then crashed for about 10 minutes. it was strange. i couldnt stay awake for love nor money. im not sure why i kept sleeping, even though i wasnt all that tired. maybe its my mind telling me that i am not ready to go to happy land in west chesterfieldtonville iowa.

August 10, 2002
i backed into a car last night.

August 9, 2002
i have slipped into a small state of depression. i think its because of aging another year, and school starting in a few short weeks. it seems like summer just started and now we have to go back to the thing we worked so hard to get out of. to me, its all very very depressing.

August 6, 2002
happy birthday to me.

August 5, 2002
well, tomorrow is my birthday. im kinda sad. its weird how when you are like 8, you cant wait for your birthday. now, it feels like i would be happy if i never had another birthday again. it kinda hit me today that in just 3 short years, i will be 20 frickin years old. im gonna start going gray here in no time. i thought i was old when i turned 10. jeez.

July 30, 2002
its getting hard to keep up with this stupid thing.

July 28, 2002
float

July 26, 2002
i am home. i am through with alaska. its a bit too wildernessy for me. im not much of an outdoors person, and basically everything there is to do in alaska is outdoorsy. so many damn mosquitoes. i thought i was gonna go insane in the membrane. i got bit about 18 times i bet. at one point i couldnt walk they itched so bad. oh well. it was pretty cool when it was over. home is good. i like home.

July 22, 2002
i am in alaska. where are you?

July 15, 2002
im outta here.

July 13, 2002
is the whole world against me or something? sure seems like it to me.

June 12, 2002
i had band practice yesterday, and it was so hot i thought i was gonna die. the garage was twice as hot as it was outside. we were playing with the garage doors open to keep things a bit cooler, then this bitchy mail-woman came by and yelled at us for being too loud and inconsiderate to the neighbors. she was all like, "i can hear you all the way from the street up the hill, do you know how far away that is?" and ger was like, "no, im not from around here." and the lady said, "oh, so you dont care then?" and gers says, "no, i didnt say that." and then she left shaking her head. we were all pretty pissed about that. anyway, after the bitch sauce lady left, later on we had this competition or something to see who could play this one song the longest without quiting, cause it was so hot. it was hard. we played for i bet 20 minutes without stopping. i had a ton of sweat in my eye, but it was okay. ger eventually quit. my ear was ringing all night, and actually, its still ringing. im probably gonna go deaf. or get deafer.

July 11, 2002
does anybody actually read this crap?

July 10, 2002
its so hot.

June 9, 2002
i forgot to write here today. right now its quarter til one in the am and i am just now getting to yesterdays write up, so im kinda late. ive been wall papering all day today and yesterday, so you know how it is, those glue fumes really mess with my head. hell, i think its december, or thursday... i dont know. ask no questions ill tell no hamsters.

July 8, 2002
if there is one thing i hate, its stupid ass drivers. good lord. i was behind this one guy earlier today on kuebler who was going about 15 mph. i could have got out of the car and walked to my destination before he even moved 3 feet. it made sense though, cause he was driving some busted ass geo metro, and it looked like the tire was flat. but still, STUPID ASS.

July 7, 2002
and we have conquered west salem.

July 6, 2002
today something came to my attention. it doesnt really make any difference what people think of me anymore, cause i dont care. i really dont care. i know of many many people who dont think to fondly of me, and that doesnt bother me anymore. it took me some time to come up with this conclusion, but when push comes to shove, it doesnt make any diff to me. the way i see it, if they dont care about me, why the hell should i give two shits about them. ive spent alot of time trying in vain to patch things up with people i got a rocky start with or got pissed at or just didnt get along with, and none of those cases came out for the better. so i think ive learned my lesson. if they dont care to give me the time of day, why the fuck should i give them anything in return.

July 5, 2002
so...you come here often? you...from outta town? so... do you wanna...dance? no? cool. dont worry about it... i get that all the time...

July 4, 2002
happy july the fourth.

July 3, 2002
this morning i actually sat down and read all of the previous entries ive put in here. another first for me. some of the stuff in here is really weird. if it wasnt my writing, i wouldnt have an effing clue what the hell this messed up person was talking about. you are one screwed up asian, man.

July 2, 2002
the retreat was great. i learned much stuff. much stuff did i learn. the ropes course scared the bajezus out of me, but what are ya gonna do, ehh?

June 28, 2002
retreat tomorry.

June 27, 2002
i played tennis today with a whole slew of persons. good times, good times. i thought it was gonna be like a one hour thing where we go and play and come home, but we ended up playing for like 4 hours. it was fun. i shut mishas finger in the car window. looked pretty painful. sorry bout that misha.

June 26, 2002
i went out with laura tonight. it was good times. tonight when i was brushing my teeth, the biggest bug i have ever seen flew up at my face. i swear, it was like a mutated mosquito or something. it was like 3 inches wide or something. i almost screamed, and i would have if a toothbrush wasnt in my mouth. but it got died so its okay now.

June 25, 2002
backwards talking am i now

June 24, 2002
i went to the enchanted forest today. golly gee, i wonder how some of those little tykes can go there and not be scared shitless by some of the creepy display things they have there. good lord, i was pretty creeped out by some of the weird spooky things they got all over the park. i think i was more freaked out going today then i was 10 years ago. also, we spent most of the day driving around west salem trying to find danny's house. it was funny. we were driving around trying to think of something fun to do, and someone said, "lets go see danny!" we had no idea where in west salem to locate him, we only knew the name of the street he lived on. so we drove all the hell over west salem, and discovered that there were about 3 streets that all had the same name as dan's street, only they had different suffixes or whatever they are called, like one said 'street' and another said 'way' and whatever else. anyway, after about and hour and a half and a half tank of gas, we finally found it. but of course, he wasnt home. oh well. at least now we know where to go. tonight, i sprayed the back deck for moss. it took me quite a while to finish. i got moss poison on my shoe. i was mad. i am afraid my shoe is gonna turn green. if it does, i will cry.

El 23 de Junio de 2002
soy listo para el verano. espera, estoy el verano. se parece como no estoy en ninguna clase de vacaciones. tengo millón de cosas que me sienta como debo hacer pero no lo haga tuve que. es una gran sensación. hasta ahora, la única cosa que tuve que hacer era ir a un partido. la vida en el tiempo de verano es excelente.

June 22, 2002
i havent felt like im on summer yet, partly because ive been just as busy lately as i was during the school year. ive barely had any time just to myself. ive either been doing family stuff or working on something around the house. like today for example, i went up to seattle for my cousins graduation party. we were gonna stay there overnight and come home sometime tomorrow. thats about a 3 and a half hour drive. okay, im fine with that. so we are at the party having a pretty good time, and then it comes time to go, and someone has the bright idea just to come back home. did no one else relize that its a 3.5 hour drive back home? i dont know about you, but i dont exactly find sitting in a car for 3 and a half hours a ton of fun. so today, i spent 7+ hours in a vehicle driving to and from seattle. i sure wish i was enjoying summer a tad more.

June 21, 2002
the outdoors isnt really my thing. grass and trees and bugs and dirt and sticks and whatever the hell else is out there. ive been spending the last four days of my life living in a tent. totally cut off from civilization. but it was fun for the most part. i have no idea what day today is, i only know that its the 21st because of that little thing that puts the date at the top of these page jiggamawhatchits. summer is grand.

June 17, 2002
yard fountains are ridiculously heavy

June 16, 2002
i was thinking earlier today, that today is someone's birthday, even though i dont know the person whose birthday it is. it makes sense to me. anyway, today someone is celebrating their birthday somewhere, while the rest of us go on about our lives not giving the slightest bit of notice to those individuals who are having their special day. so, happy birthday, who ever you are.

June 14, 2002
ive been spending most of today in portland kicking it up there doing mostly nothing. yeah, summer hasnt set in yet, and i feel like i should be studying spanish or geometry, or something or other. thank god i dont have to.

June 13, 2002
guess what i did all day on my first day of summer? i cleaned the RAT CRAP CLOSET. yay, go me. i also went to taco bell and ordered 2 hamburgers, "you have?"

June 12, 2002
spring has sprung, fall has fell. three more months, and we're back in hell.

June 11, 2002
is it wednesday yet?

June 10, 2002
last monday. thank god. finals suck. the devil they are. god i hate finals. i cant wait until thursday when the lead weight will be lifted from my shoulders.

June 8, 2002
the force is stong with me

June 7, 2002
why is the last week of school so hard? i have so much still to do before these last 3 days are over. i envy myself back in first semester, cause then none of my finals were that big of a deal for my grade, but this semester, total opposite. in like every one of my classes, i need a good grade on my final just to keep the grade i have now. how stressful.

June 6, 2002
hey, two months until my birthday. pretty cool for me. today was the last thursday of the year. tomorrow is the last friday. wow, this year went by fast. i want this year to be over so badly, i cant take anymore school. its like one of those situations where you just want to SCREAM really loudly and make a scene. i went and saw star wars again today, even though i said i wouldnt go anymore. i fell asleep in the beginning, so i guess that shows how much i care about the movie now. im sick of star wars, even though natalie portman is gorgeous.

June 5, 2002
im stressed. i had a speech today, a test today, a test tomorrow, a test on friday, a book to read, frickin finals next week, and on top of everything else, i have a 5 page research paper due tomorrow. im in the middle of writing it right now, and i have 3.5 pages done, and i cant think of anything more to write. i am stuck. i need another page, and i cant think of anything else to write. I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS!

June 3, 2002
im in a pretty pissy mood right now, because my computer is effing STUPID cause it freezes every 12 frickin seconds. i just finished typing a really shallowly deep thing to put here and the damn thing breaks again. i swear, if it happens again, im gonna haf 'a put ma' foot up in its ass. its happened to me like, 8 bajillion times already this week, a couple a days ago, it happened, and i was upset, but i didnt want to take the time to go back and re-type the bloody thing, so i said fuck...this. yeah, just like that. this week is stressful already. i have so much homework and shyte, that i cant even contemplate it. its really driving me insane. why is there so much stuff to do on the last full week of school? why? its not fair.

May 31, 2002
the end of the year celebration was jolly good fun. it was nice to take a break from the sheer boring slog of the regular week and just have some good times. PICKLES!!!

May 30, 2002
finally, today, a shred of good news. the test i was gonna take over to kill a mockingbird has been moved to finals. week. yay. now i might actually get a chance to read the book. i better get on that pretty soon.

May 28, 2002
the last couple of months of my life have been devoted to the play, and now that its over, it feels weird coming straight home after schools out. i seem to be having trouble switching gears. i watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show this weekend, and it is one of the best movies ive ever seen. i was blown away. it took me a while to get past the initial, "what the hell...?" but once past there, i was amazed. im still not sure what the point/theme/moral of the movie was, but i dont care. this movie and Clue are definetly going somewhere on my top 10 movies of all time list. right now, the list goes: 1) Braveheart 2) O Brother, Where Art Thou? 3) Pulp Fiction 4) Sling Blade 5) Face/Off 6) Forrest Gump 7) 6th Sense 8) Heat of the Night 9) The Usual Suspects 10) American Beauty. im not sure where ill fit Clue and Rocky, but they need to go in there somewheres. while im talking about movies, a really great, underrated movie that people should see, is Baz Lurman's Romeo and Juliet. i agree that it is too bad that Leonardo DiCaprio plays Romeo, but i can get past that. its a really well done movie. i thought that trying to make an old story have a modern twist would really suck, but they made it come out nicely. if you havent seen the new version of Romeo and Juliet, see it, and if you saw it and didnt like it, come here, so i can slap you.

May 27, 2002
im in need of a vacation. thank jeebus summer is coming soon, unfortunetly, with the coming of summer, many drawbacks stand in the way. i have mucho work to do before school gets out. like a research paper, a big project, a book to read, and a test to take (not to mention finals). i guess i should just stop my bitching and just do the assignments. but its so hard.

May 26, 2002
plays over. all done. now im not sure what im gonna do with myself after school gets out. i guess ill half to find a job or something. whatever. only thing is now, i dont have an excuse to not do my homework and millions of projects i have due in the next week or two. school blows. i want summer to get here, but at the same time i dont because of all of these assignments i have to do. the play was fun. i went and saw star wars again yesterday. i wasnt going to, but i started watching the original episode and i all of a sudden got into "star wars" mood. i dont think ill see it anymore though.

May 24, 2002
the play went fairly well tonight, i only messed up one line really. the line was, "i cant go into it with you right now mum." of course i goofed and said, "i cant go into you with it right now mum." pretty typical. otherwise it went darn well i think. if you didnt come tonight, make sure you come tomorrow.

May 22, 2002
smalzabub

May 21, 2002
i havent had time to keep this updated... the world is coming to an end!

May 19, 2002
i totally forgoted about this site. ha, im really losing it i guess. i saw star wars today, and it is pretty badass. much better than episode 1, and if you havent seen the play yet, come this friday and saturday. 7pm. come see me and lumpin girl this weekend.

May 15, 2002
crap and a half

May 13, 2002
today, i want you to say the words, "ointment" and "dispenser" while looking in the mirror, holding your tounge, plugging your nose, and crossing your eyes. if you can do it, i will be absolutely blown a- frickin way.

May 12, 2002
i am not really ready for another week. id like to skip this week, and the next, and the next, and the next, and the next, or as many as there are until summer. yup. Come see the play Woman in Mind at South on the 17th and 18th, or the 24th and 25th at 7:00pm. its good. but come on the second weekend, cause thats the one me and lumpin girl are in.

May 11, 2002
such a loooooong ass day. 11 hours of mostly sitting around waiting for the lights and whatnot to be figured out for the play. not exactly how i wanted to spend my saturday, but its alright, cause they just cleaned at my house anyways.

May 9, 2002
i married to Lumpin Girl and i no speaking english.

May 8, 2002
three tests today. one im not done with. i hate tests. growl. oh, if dan happens to read this, parsley, sage, rosemary and THYME. it came to me as i was driving home from drama rehersal. ha. anyway, im looking forward to next year. i think it will be a blasty.

May 7, 2002
ive been so frickin busy lately, ive barely had time to frickin breathe. oh well, ill live. i have three tests to study for tonight, and i doubt that i will study for any of them. at least its not a math test. you know what makes me sick? those stupid ass mother effers who killed the baby ducks. its stupid cocksuckers like them that turn places into steaming trash holes. if i were a cop, id beat them senseless with their own hands.

May 3, 2002
the grocery outlet is the coolest place alive. so much good stuff there. i mean, a box of onion crackers for 79 cents!!! how cool is that?

May 2, 2002
i cant believe this week is almost over. it went by right quick. a bunch of crap happened this week. both good and bad. thats good. i like variety. lets see, lots of good peer mentor things happened, lots of good socialization type things happened, and of course, survivor and the amazing race. yes... and the bad, alot of peer mentor stuff, socialization, memorizing lines for the play, ohh, i got hit in the face with a carrot, and today there was a super effing hard spanish test. i guess studying would have helped. ehh...

March 1, 2002
ive spent so much time doing peer mentoring stuff this week i really dont know what day it is any more. i was doing stuff until 7:30 or so yesterday interviewing folks, i was in an hour and a half early this morning at 7:00 and i stayed interviewing people until 8:30 tonight. more of the same tomorry i guess. i imagine it will be just as late, if not later tomorry. its fun though, so i guess its all good. its especially fun hanging with my wasian friend.

April 30, 2002
im ready for summer. so ready for summer. school is pissing me off at the moment. stupid english class and the damn great gatsby assignment. it sucks. stupid book. i hate it. i have to be in at school tomorry at frickin 7:00 in the frickin morning. thats so frickin early. and its on the frickin sleep in day. i dont even get up that early on regular days. ehh. ill roll with it i guess.

April 29, 2002
today seemed kinda weird, like it felt like friday, but it didnt at the same time. whatever. its those summer withdrawls coming back i guess. i stopped at the video store today right after school and rented batman returns. its kinda stupid. not nearly as good as the first one. today i found out that you really can slip on a banana peel, especially when you also step on a piece of wax paper right afterwards. have you ever felt like youve really been used? i kinda felt like that yesterday. but it was kinda a good used, i guess. whatever, i dont care.

April 28, 2002
im already on summer break. the weather is way too nice, and it feels like this should be vacation. what really sucks is there is school tomorrow and that is gonna snap me out of my summer fantasies right quick. oh well. only 6 more weeks...

April 27, 2002
oh boy. all lines for the play are supposed to be memorized by wednesday and i have like 6 lines down. oh well, ill get them down by wednesday. mrs simons kids were a lively bunch. wow, i dont think id have the patience to parent three boys all under 7 years old. hard hard work. even harder than using a weed whacker.

April 26, 2002
i think this next week will be good. its my new mission to get the racist sub fired, or at least banned from south. i guess he made some other demeaning comments about the elderly and the handicapped in a different class, so maybe if i can get some of the people who heard him say that shit to help me out also. Gibbons said to bring it to someones attention cause he was out of line, messing around or not. im inclined to agree.

April 25, 2002
oh by got, i really fucked this thing up earlier and i just now finished un-fucking it. i tried to archive some of the old entries, but i ended up losing all of them, so i had to find them on the net somewhere, (dont ask me how i did that) and then i had to copy and paste all of them back here. its taken me like, 3 hours to do. oh...by...got. seriously. ha, anyway, i had a pretty good day today, all except for the racist substitute in biology today. that stupid fucking asshole. i should have left the room. oh well. this was a really good week.

April 24, 2002
i had such a good day today. today rocked. all day. from when i got up this morning, to right now, really good day. i didnt even mind the pop quiz in geometry today or the biology test. wow. i feel like i really needed a good day. im not even dreading the mountain of homework i need to do tonight. i think it will be okay. maybe im high...

April 23, 2002
i had a real good time at that peer mentor thing today. i had fun talking with most of the old people and stuff, and talking to brent de"maux". it was interesting watching people throw dried corn at the pigeons and looking at the nasty algee pond. it was pretty fun. afterwards, it was even more funner at the park with calvin, ash, and katie. that was fun. and to top everything off, i didnt have to take the biology test today, unfortunetly, theres always tomorry.

April 22, 2002
i felt like i was losing my mind today. in spanish, i guess we had a test last week. i seriously dont remember taking a test in there. somebody said something about street mimes, i kinda remember something about mimes, but not really. so whatever. i can tell this is gonna be another really slow week, just by the way things went today. super slow and really boring. im probably gonna babysit mrs simons kids this weekend. trevor (hair) might be going with me. haha, should be a blast.

April 19, 2002
hey, come see Asian Invasion, Insomnia, and The Widgets at Jimis Guitar Planet tomorrow at 8:00. $1. come, okay?

April 18, 2002
ACKK! i finally finished that effing book critique!

April 17, 2002
everybody parties on new years eve... ive had that song stuck in my head all freakin day. that and uptown girl. such a good song. whole lot of homework this week. i have a book report due in two days, and im only on the first chapter of the book. guess i will be busy tonight. i noticed on a few older entries, i spelled the word "know" n-o-e. "noe". Who the hell spells "know", "noe"?? what the frick was i thinking? thats one of the stupidest things ive ever heard. what the hell was wrong with me? ...WASIAN PRIDE!

April 16, 2002
good news for me. i had an appt. for a filling replacement tomorrow, which is never good. i was supposed to go out to lunch tomorrow with a few other people and i forgot about the stupid dentist. so i went to the dentist place after play rehersal today to see if i could reschedule for maybe tomorrow or the next day. the receptionist asked what tooth it was and if it hurt, which it didnt. she said that the dentist could have a quick "looksy" to see how serious the filling was, so she could decide how to schedule me. he checked, and no more than 3 seconds went by, and he said, it wasnt a filling, just some sealing stuff that had come off. fixed it in a couple minutes. so i dont have to go in tomorrow. hooray.

April 15, 2002
i feel better. im not as stressed freakin out as i was the other day. i hope it lasts. it would be nice to have a good week for once. i wrote my journal in third period today, and it was really good. i was inspired by danny to write a story about my emotions when north failed to show up on friday. it was pretty depressing. but the journal is good. hooray for me! i finished reading chapter 1 in my book for the book report thats due this friday. i guess i should start reading, but right now, im gonna go watch sling blade. mm-hmm.

April 14, 2002
Andrew is not here right now, please leave a message. Beep.

April 13, 2002
i have no idea what i am supposed to do about the amount of things i have going on this next week. TOO MANY THINGS AT ONCE!!!!!!! everybody needs to step back and give me some space for a few days...

April 12, 2002
exactly 6 months ago today, i was in dallas taking my drivers test. today started out to be the greatest day ever. everything was going real well. i even commented in 4th period that i was having a really good day. i guess the coffee i had this morning caught up with me cause after lunch, i started to fall apart. i got really stressed and worn out. i wasnt feeling very good. i think im gonna avoid coffee from now on.

April 11, 2002
Tomorrow...

April 10, 2002
the biology test was easy. i hope that the math test will be easy too. it wont, but oh well. my leader interview was today, and i think i really fudged it up by being incredibly nervous. thats really weird, cause i never get nervous. i dont know what the hell was going on today. maybe im having some type of break down. i dont quite feel like my normal self it seems. too many things are all flying at me at the same time. i dont think i can take it.

April 9, 2002
time to get back into test-taking mode. its been a couple of weeks since i took a test, but tomorrow its all starting again. biology test wednesday, math test thursday, an english quiz sometime soon, and a government test coming up also. its nice to know at least one person actually reads what i put here, and its not just me. hi lynn. its nice to not be the only person reading this now.

April 7, 2002
oh boy, daylights savings really throws me for a loop. i cant figure out what time it is, cause i keep seeing clocks around the house that havent been changed yet, and it is really confusing. i was tired all day today. stupid time change. i hate it. this month is going by really slow it seems. its only the 8th and it feels like the freakin 31st. today when someone asked me what i did this weekend, i honestly couldnt remember. it was kinda scary. i still dont remember what i did. hmm. ill probalby remember at some random time when it isnt even in context anymore.

April 6, 2002
i had the funniest dream last night. trevor and me were chilling at senior prom. niether one of us had a date. we were kicking it in the corner of the room, when this amazingly fine woman walks by. trevor was all like, "whoa, im gonna hook up with that!" so he walks over to her and asks for a dance. she looks at him, and the screams out, "No fuckin' way, asshole!" trevor slowly walks back to the corner and cried out of rejection. poor trevor. it was very funny. i just relized that it is four months until my birthday. i will be old this summer. 17. thats ridiculas. i thought i was old when i turned 9.

April 5, 2002
i went and saw a movie tonight. it was something about a lady whose husband was arrested for a murder that he didnt commit. it was entertaining. i cant believe how long it took for friday to be here. this was like the slowest fast week ever. it was crazy. there is a dog breed called a cockapoo. isnt that funny? hehehe. cockapoo.

April 4, 2002
i think the play auditions were one of the best things that ive done for awhile. i was kinda doubting weather or not i should even be there, but today was a blast. actually, the whole week was a blast. even if i dont make it, ive met a ton of awesome people, and its just been fun. i think i have a better chance at this than tennis though.

April 2, 2002
hi. whats shakin'? im tired. very tired. i almost couldnt get up today. i have a bunch of things that i should do tonight, but i dont think i will do any of them. its just one of those days. ha, i guess i have a lot of days like this one. when you are with me, im free, im carelss, i believe. above all the others, we'll fly, this brings tears, to my eyes.

April 1, 2002
the first day back after a break is the biggest drag ever. today went by super slow, and there are no days off until like, the last of april. great. its kinda depressing, after a week of having no one tell me to do anything, all of a sudden today, it was like, "do this now!" it sucks. im counting down the days until summer. like 73 or something like that.

March 31, 2002
happy easter

March 30, 2002
Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. Just try your best, try everything you can, and don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away. It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride. Everything will be just fine, everything will be all right. Hey, you know They're all the same. You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in. Live right now. Yeah, just be yourself. It doesn't matter if it's good enough, for someone else. It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride, everything will be just fine, everything will be all right. It just takes some time, little girl you're in The middle of the ride. Everything will be just fine, everything will be all right. Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head, you feel left out or looked down on. Just do your best, do everything you can, and don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say. It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride. Everything will be just fine, everything will be all right. It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride. Everything will be just fine, everything will be all right.

March 29, 2002
during every vacation, i lose track of what time and day it is. time goes completely out of my head. im not sure if this is a good thing or not, but when the vacation ends, its kinda a smack in the face cause then i have to figure out a schedule again. i know that its the 29th today, but if you asked me what day it was, you would be waiting for awhile while i looked at a calendar or something.

March 28, 2002
spring break is so good.

March 24, 2002
i have never been as tired as i have been in the last day or two. i kicked it over at jon's place friday night cause we were leaving for seattle at like 3:30. we had to get up at some ridiculasly early time like quarter til 3. so tired was i. we had to be up in seattle at 9, so we had to get up and go right away. i have never seen so many asians in one place before. there were absolutely no people of any other race at this place. we must have been ten times better that the featured band. not to be conceeded or anything. some old fat asian guy rapping up on the stage. i almost couldnt take it.

March 22, 2002
one more day until the concert in seattle. i think we leave tomorrow morning really early, like 4 am or something like that. should be fun. lot of asians are probably going to be there. hahaha. anyway, it should be awesome.

March 21, 2002
picture yourself on a boat on a river, with tangerine trees, and marmalade skies. somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly, the girl with kaliedascope eyes.

March 20, 2002
finally, spring break. ahhhhh... relief from everything. this weekend, we have a concert to play in up in seattle for something or another. that should be awesome. looking forward to this for at least one thing in particular, ahem-ahem. that part should be the greatest part of all. ha. i picked up my peer mentor leader application today. should be pretty easy. this is one of the only things that i am looking forward to for next year. it would be the coolest thing to be a leader, especially if ben gets in the class i lead. hahahaha.

March 19, 2002
Do good, I? No! Evil anon I deliver! I maim nine more Hero-Men in Saginaw; sanitary sword a-tuck, Carol, I... lo! Rack! Cut a drowsy Rat in Aswan. I gas nine more Hero-Men in Miami. Reviled, I (Nona), live on! I do, O God!!

March 18, 2002
i have so much effing homework tonight. my gad. in like every class. some 16 math assignments, even more spanish crap, a stupid illustration for biology, another damn book report due in a month, and some other crap that if i think about right now, i will vomit. pretty good, right after school i was going out of the bathroom and they have that stupid in-out door system, and i was leaving the bathroom and of course wasnt looking and walked smack into the "in" door. almost flatbacked myself. im talented. there's one of those crappy asian food snack bar things at south in the cafeteria, and jamie was telling me about the sign over the stand, so i went to check it out, and the sign says, "Stir it up...Asian Style!" i saw the sign and bust out laughing. the russian lady that serves there asked if she could help me. hillarious.

March 17, 2002
i like quiet sundays.

March 16, 2002
i have the most homework ever this weekend. a ton of math, spanish, biology, english, and a peer mentor journal. i dont think i will do any of it. maybe the math, cause its all due on wednesday and i have like 30 some assignments to finish. thats what i get for procrastinating i guess. its kinda funny, after a semester and six weeks, mr. applegate still calls me "andy". over half a year has gone by, and the poor guy still doesnt know my name. andy...hahaha.

March 15, 2002
so glad its friday. i was so tired today. i dont feel like saying too much, so im just going to stop. Good bye.

March 14, 2002
i got a funny story to tell. yesterday, when ben and i were getting ready to play tennis like usual, it was raining, so we thought we would put all of our crap in the softball dugout. the fence door was locked, and i didnt feel like going all the way around the feild to get in, so i tossed my spanish book i had with me over the fence, hoping it would land on the bench. well, it did, but it bounced off and papers i had stuffed in there flew out all over the place. so i went all the frickin way around the feild into the dugout and tossed the book over to ben. i didnt want to have to go all the way back around, so i thought id climb over the fence. i got to the top, and had my left leg over the fence, while my right leg was hanging on the other side. well, i was about to throw my other leg over the top, when my pantleg got caught on one of the points on top of the fence. so i was straddling the fence. i was moving my hips and legs trying to get free of the damn fence, so it looked like i was fixin to fornicate with the dugout fence. i was up there for a good 3 minutes trying to thrust myself off of the top of the fence. the track team was starting to come down to the feild, so i was in kind of a hurry to get off the top of the dugout. it was pretty bad. ben thought it was hillarious, and im sure it was.

March 13, 2002
Not to much to say, then you're high above the mucky-muck.

March 12, 2002
i dont like tuesdays. i dont really like any day but saturday. todays math test was much harder than i had anticipated. i think i either did pretty well, or pretty bad. one or the other. oh well. i hate math anyway. theres a bunch of brittish people on the tele right now. they talk funny. haha. "i left me specs and me brolly in the boot, and then we were to depart for our noontime cuppa and crisps." ha. thats funny. i love brittish talk.

March 11, 2002
today went by really fast. but i cant believe that i have a math test tomorrow. it seems like everytime i open my eyes, i have another test ready to hit me in the face. i guess thats school though. yay. i love taking tests. im bummed though about my grade in government though. i checked with him like last wednesday to see what i had, and i had a 93 percent, today when i checked, i had an 82. what in the world? so frusterating. today we all had a good laugh at ben's expense. haha. ben is a gremlin. haha.

March 10, 2002
the weekend is essentially over, and tomorrow a whole new week starts. im really not looking forward to it, cause judging by the week i had last week, im pretty sure im in for another crappy one. im so stressed out about everything. im tired of idiots coming up to me and saying stupid things, im tired of people saying whats best for me, im tired of school, im just tired of mostly everything in general. what was supposed to be a long relaxing weekend went by with the quickness. ill be glad when im not tired of the world.

March 9, 2002
Hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind That I put down in words how wonderful life is now you're in the world

March 8, 2002
im so glad today is a day off. such a relief. yesterday when i was driving to south, i was running late, so i decided to go down 12th instead of commercial, and of course, im stuck behind a corrolla who lets all the cars stopped at the 2-way stop opposite of our lane of traffic come out in front of him. he did this at every intersection for like 6 freakin blocks. i was honking at him, but he kept waving his hand at me to shut up. it was like danny said, it wouldnt have happened if i wasnt running late. so true, so true.

March 7, 2002
Thank Jeebus its thursday. this was the most stressful week ever. grading day is tomorrow, and i am really worried about it. im probably gonna do really bad this six weeks. im so sick of school, i could scream. i was watching Braveheart ealier today, and now im going around quoting lines from the movie. like the one about the spears that they would make to stop the brittish horses, and they say they would make spears twice as long as a man, but some men are longer than others. and then the other guy says "Your moms been telling stories about me again." hahaha.

March 6, 2002
i really really must suck at tennis. ben gerling beat me again today. that is so bad. i was winning for a while, but then i just gave up. im pretty dissapointed with myself. today at that principals thing, i barely did anything. i read the pledge and that was it. kind of a relief. today was one of the most stressful days ive had in a long time. i was so stressed all morning and most of the afternoon. i think im really tired of extrememly stupid people around me. i gave a few people a couple examples of this earlier today. there are idiots and people who do stupid things all over the place. i really hate them.

March 5, 2002
i really cant wait for spring break. actually, its summer break i cant wait for. im so sick of the same routine everyday. i really need a break. i have to help run a presentation about "the hands are not for hurting" deal tomorrow at student services for peer mentoring. theres gonna be a whole lot of principals at this thing, and alot of people are gonna see how badly i am at presenting things in front of alot of people. its a good thing there are gonna be other people there with me. another thing to add to my list of stressful crap.

March 4, 2002
well, mondays suck. a lot. i hate you if you like mondays. tuesdays suck also. man... i really feel like pissing and moaning today. i stopped at starbucks this morning and got a grande carmel machiato. i dont think coffee agrees with me very well. its great while i have it, but later in the day, i really feel the caffine wearing off. its like my blood sugar sky rockets, then crashes. i probably shouldnt drink coffee, but im going to anyway. biology test today, english test and national spanish exam tomorrow, government test sometime later this week, and grading on friday. why is every class having a test or quiz recently? i hate it. i guess there are alot of things i hate.

March 3, 2002
Man, i cant believe this six weeks is almost over. it seems like it just started. man...this year is going by really quick, but at the same time really slow. i admire you if you can understand what i mean here. i went and saw the play at south today. it was really good. i would have been in it if i could act. i couldnt believe how long it was though. it was like almost 3 hours long. crazy man. i saw my old "girlfriend" there from way-back-when. i couldnt figure out why she was there. i noe she doesnt go to south, and i didnt even noe she still lived in oregon. i was pretty sure she moved to montana or something like that. whatever. i dont remember her name, but i recognized her face. im not sure how long ago that was. at least 4 years, maybe more. pathetic. tomorrow i have that blasted biology test. i spent some time tonight studying for that. even after reading the chapter 2 times, i still dont understand. i hate all forms of math and science.

March 2, 2002
hey hows it goin. im really tired, even though i got a million hours of sleep last night. i dont remeber what the literary term for extreme exagerations is, but whatever. just finished band prac. and my arms are really sore now. its been awhile since i played, so now im tired. tomorrow i think im gonna go catch the play at south. ive heard its pretty good. why is it that just about all the people that work at shari's restaurant are real bitches? yesterday when we went there with the peer mentor class, i didnt think the lady that served us could have been any bitchier. im not sure if we left her a tip or not. i noe i didnt. anyway, monday is gonna suck. i have a biology test fifth period. i havent even read the chapter yet. im not sure if it is gonna be hard or not. probably will be, cause ms simon's tests are always kinda confusing. see what happens i guess.

March 1, 2002
Alright,its finally friday. this was a really long week. cant wait for summer. i have nothing really to talk about. Right now the tennis guys are working hard playing tennis, while i sit here and relax, living the good life. i think im going to go watch Braveheart and then fall asleep on the couch.

February 28, 2002
i finally finished that stupid book report ive been complaining about for the last few days. YES!! i hate reading. another good thing is most of the tests i had scheduled for tomorrow were moved to later dates. i was happy about that. unfortunetly, i still have to take my math test tomorrow. my 6 weeks grade is riding on this test. i think i need at least a B+ on the test to pass the class. well, ill pass, but i need a good grade on the test to get a C out of the class. i guess i will be studying tonight a lot. crap. a little more good news is yesterday i was reembursed 65 bucks. haha. this time i think i will spend it a little more wisely.

February 27, 2002
well, its wednesday, halfway through the week. this has been another really long week. i am really tired again today. u noe what sucks? why the hell did every teacher decide to have a quiz or test on friday? its ridiculas. i have a test in nearly every freaking class friday. i am so sick of school. spring break will be a really big relief. grading day is only a few days away, and i am in real trouble in a few of my classes. im not sure what i am going to do at this point. i might be between a rock and a hard place when it comes to bringing grades up. oh well.

February 26, 2002
hi. i am really really tired today. i have been tired all day. tennis tryouts after school certainly didnt help my fatigue in anyway. i think my chances of making the team after today are about 1 in 4 billion. so i have good expectations. tomorrow they announce who makes the team. actually, i kinda hope i dont make the team, cause i noe more about football than i do tennis. if u have seen me play football, u would noe this is really bad. i was thinking about the practice last year before scrimage and coach put me in as running back, and they called a play in the huddle that required me to run out to the left and then up field while the quarterback ran backwards, or something of the sort, anyway, i had no idea what i was supposed to do, so i just booked as fast as i could forward. of course i wasnt looking up while i was running and i smashed right into the qb, and knocked myself onto my ass. pretty much everyone thought it was really funny. the coaches were all on the sideline shaking their heads and saying,"what the hell was that?!" Good times, good times.

February 25, 2002
well, tennis tryouts started today. i think im doomed when it comes to making the team. i think my luck ran out somewhere inbetween me launching 3 balls over the 18 foot fence, and swinging and missing 4 consecutive overhand shots. basically i made a fool out of myself today. cant wait until tomorrow. i had a pretty rough day today. things started going down hill pretty fast durring and after second period. i dont feel like going into the reason second period sucked right now. if u dont noe, and are really curious, ask me sometime tomorrow. i am sore after an hour and a half of tennis. pretty pathetic. i was telling misha on the court that if i dont make it on the team, i always have my computer sports that i always win. at least im not a complete failure.

Puff the Magic Dragon
I didnt think any journal-type-thing would be complete without a little Puff the Magic Dragon..... Puff the Magic Dragon, Lived by the sea, And frolicked in the autumn mist, In a land called Honnalee. Little Jackie Paper, Loved that rascal Puff, And brought him string and sealing wax, And other fancy stuff. Puff the Magic Dragon, Lived by the sea, And frolicked in the autumn mist, In a land called Honnalee. Puff the Magic Dragon, Lived by the sea, And frolicked in the autumn mist, In a land called Honnalee. Together they would travel, On a boat with a billowed sail. Jackie kept the lookout perch, On Puff's gigantic tail. Noble kings and princes, Would bow when e're they came. Pirate ships would lower their flags, When Puff roared out his name. Puff the Magic Dragon, Lived by the sea, And frolicked in the autumn mist, In a land called Honnalee, Puff the Magic Dragon, Lived by the sea, And frolicked in the autumn mist, In a land called Honnalee. A dragon lives forever, But not so little boys. Painted wings and giant rings, Make way for other toys. One gray night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more. So Puff that mighty dragon, He ceased his fearless roar. His head was bent in sorrow. Green scales fell like rain. Puff no longer went to play, Along that Cherry Lane. Without his lifelong friend, Puff could not be brave, And Puff that mighty dragon Slinked into his cave. Puff the Magic Dragon, Lived by the sea, And frolicked in the autumn mist, In a land called Honnalee. Puff the Magic Dragon, Lived by the sea, And frolicked in the autumn mist, In a land called Honnalee.

February 24, 2002
Hello. It is sunday. that is bad because tomorrow is the start of another week. suck-o mucho. pretty sure i failed a math quiz and that is for sure gonna ruin my day tomorrow. last night i went and saw Dragonfly, the new one with Kevin costner, or whatever his name is. pretty dissapointing movie. o well. lets see, this is february, so after this month only 4 months left. that is good. time to start counting down the days. i was driving earlier today, and i was thinking about how much different my life would be if i had some other name. like what if i was Mitch, or something else of the sort. Murph. that would be intense.

February 23, 2002
i hate it when saturday ends, cause that just means that there is only one more day before another incredibly long week begins. sigh. i am noticing right now that my computer clock is really slow. it says it is 11:51 pm when in reality it is 12:30. so technically i am writing this saturday entry on sunday. great, now my days are gonna be all mixed up. well, whatever day it is, i hope you have a good tomorrow.

February 22, 2002
Praise the lord its finally friday. this week was incredibly long, which is funny cause there were only 4 days. today was that ridiculas honors assembly. a few of us didnt want to look like idiots so we went and sat on the floor with the other smart people. its funny cause we, and when i say "we" i mean "me", apperently arent smart enough to be down there for real. it was funny. funny cause it is. anyway friday is good. right now im watching the second Austin Powers movie. i havent seen it in a while so it is bringing back good memories of absolutely nothing. i was telling some people earlier today, i think its awesome when girls eat suckers. i dont noe why, but it just is. i will leave u to ponder that last thought.

February 21, 2002
i have good news and bad news. unfortunetly, more bad than good. the good news is, that assignment i was bitching about the other day was corrected and i was given full credit on. that was good. the bad news, is i have a government test, a geometry quiz, and a really really hard spanish test tomorrow. and like i mentioned yesterday, a book report due in a few days. basically i am screwed from all angles.i have decided to refrain from using gel in my hair for at least a few weeks. it has come to my attention that a certain craig downs finds gel to be disgusting. its not that i am trying to please craig, it is just that id rather not have my hair messed up and flake all over the place. i guess it will save me a few minutes in the morning. so thank you craig, for allowing me to sleep for 30 more seconds.

February 20, 2002
well another day of mind plugging and task completing is over. today started off as a bad day. a quiz which i had completely spaced off jumped up to surprise me first period. that was quite a smack in the face. but put your worries aside, cause i aced it. i am an extremely good guesser. on top of this rude awakening, there is a spanish test and an English quiz tomorrow, a government test friday, and a book report due in a little more than a week. normally i wouldnt be stressing about these things, but i have no clue what is going on in spanish, government is a drag, and i have yet to begin reading the book. i guess i am at the mouth of a very large shat creek. on top of all of this other bull honkey, i spaced off turning in an incredibly important assignment in one of my classes and it dropped my grade a considerable amount. i was not very happy with this, obvioulsy. well now that i am free of the burden of school, i can relax for a few minutes before i have to go study for my tests that i have no clue about. i love school.

February 19, 2002
Happy Tuesday. Ive been spending the last few hours trying for the life of me to figure out the set up of this blasted thing. I think im starting to get the hang of it, but probably not, cause im a moron. but i guess that is okay. right now im trying to think of something intellegent to say, but once again, i dont think thats gonna happen. my tuesday was typical. i hate math class. there is like this cloud of doom that looms above the room that seems to scream "math class!!!" as soon as you enter. it's really creepy. have you ever noticed how some rooms in the school have that comfortable, welcoming feeling, like sitting on a really puffy couch, but not math class. the math rooms are more like sitting on a really uncomfortable church pew for all eternity. there is something about math classes that make me want to run down the halls screaming and flailing my arms about.

February 18, 2002
Well, i decided to fall in line with the rest of the population that seems to have one of these things. i decided to start my own. Anyway, this is my first entry, which is kinda funny, cuz i look around and see other people who are swimming in a sea of endless archives of old entries that they have been keeping for countless months. These people and their entries seem to laugh right in my face as if to say, "you are a loser!" or what ever else they are inclined to say. Whatever it is, it isnt pleasurable for me. but i obviously have my work cut out for me, i guess i will have to find the time in my busy day to write one of these things everyday. some how i will manage to get by.